"It's not about getting up every morning and getting a workout in. It's about getting up every morning and searching for your soul"
I wrote that quote. Yep. I absolutely just quoted myself. I wrote that quote years ago, when I write most of my own things, in my head, during a run. Everything intelligent or inspiring that I've ever thought, or probably ever will think has happened during a run. Almost four years after thinking that in my head during a sunrise run, I feel like I've finally run enough miles so that that soul search that I was on, has finally come to an end.
I definitely believe that it takes a long time to completely understand yourself, who you are, and who you're going to be. But it occurred to me that that particular part that I had been looking for, at that particular moment has finally been "found".
When I wrote that quote I was training to make nationals. I placed my identity in being faster than everyone else. In running. Mostly in success. And running is what I was successful in. If you've read this blog long enough you know. If it's your first time reading, I'm here to tell you that in the past I lived a very unbalanced and unhappy life back then. And it eventually destroyed me. I thought that being better, being faster, that was what I would find at the end of my search. But it wasn't.
My search for my soul was far from over when I wrote that. As it turns out, I wasn't even searching for the right thing, even though I was in the right place. I still found what I was looking for, just later, and not in the way that I expected.
I don't know exactly when I found it, but I know it wasn't at NCAA National Cross Country Championships. It was somewhere at the bottom of a lap pool that I stared at the entire time my foot was broken and I couldn't run. It was somewhere along the lonely dark miles I've run since graduating from college. It was somewhere during a night run where the moon was so bright and the air so cold, that I felt the peace finally…to stop running.
My point is this my friends: I thought that running was where I would find my salvation, but running was just the channel that I found it through. I found peace once I stopped running away from things and when I started running toward things. I was placing my value in what other people thought of me, and not what I thought of myself. Other people saw me as fast, and skinny, and talented and that's what I wanted. I didn't consider, however, how I saw myself, and what value how you see yourself has.
Once I got injured and stopped running, I realized that the only way to stop the path of destruction that I was on was to stop measuring my worth through other people and to start measuring it through my own standards. Standards that I had, at that point, yet to create. You know where I was at. If you don't read through any of my posts from 2011. But here is where I came to be:
My proudest race ever is not nationals. It's not my 6kPR of 21:49 that I set at regionals. It's not either of the times that I won conference or any other race I've ever won. My proudest race happened only a little over a week ago when, after not racing for over a year I signed up for a 5k and I finished it. It wasn't my best race or my best time. I didn't win, I was second. But I got myself out of bed that morning and ran a race, in front of other people, even though I may never be as fast as I once was. But you know what? That race took a lot more determination than I thought I had, and that truly taught me about being strong. My proudest moments in running now, my new set of bragging rights, are in my training runs. Sometimes after a 13 hour workday, I hop on the treadmill at 9pm and I still bust out 6 miles of a temp workout. Or after those long days I'll take to the streets running mile repeats under the moon on a parkway I have all to myself. On Sundays I run about 20 miles, and those last 3 miles are some of the hardest for me, but I still make it. And sometimes, I take pride in having the strength to give up a workout for the sake of spending time with family, or on my schoolwork. And finally I have my peace.
On your own search, just remember that sometimes you end up where you didn't expect, and that turns out to be better….in the long run :)
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
On Letting Your Soul Breathe
"This is going to be hard. Life is going to be hard. You have to remember to always leave room for your soul to breathe"
It's been a long time since I was a serious blogger. I felt the urge to start a new blog the other day. Started new blog. Deleted it. I've probably started and deleted like five different blogs since my last blog post on here. And yet, I can't do it. Nothing I create seems to be home like this blog is. And so, I'm here to start fresh on an old blog.
I'm back to blogging here because it feels like my only thing that I have thats all mine, that allows me to be me and no one else. Right now I just feel so lost in all of the different areas of my life. I keep looking around and not recognizing anything from from where I'm standing right now.
Since the last time I blogged (on a weekly basis) I feel like I've become a different person. When I think of myself I no longer see the happy, carefree, running hippie that I used to. I feel…old. Older. Bogged down. Between my homework and my responsibilities I feel like I'm carrying around an extra 100 pounds. When I'm talking to people, regardless of their age, I feel older than they are, like I've lived an extra 10 years.
I work a lot, but everybody works a lot. My days are somewhere between 8.5 and 13 hours long. Whenever I complain about this I feel like a giant tool because I'm the one who signed up for graduate school, I realized it would mean days like this, stress like this, sleep loss like this. I realize I should shut the hell up and stop complaining because some people work way more than I do. Some people have way more stress than I do. But still, the feeling of falling down a giant slippery hole remains. I feel like I'm always behind, always late, always…not good enough.
Not that I have more to do than most people, because I don't. But for me right here, right now, it's too much. I don't have enough time for my soul to breathe. I feel like I'm suffocating.
Every day I see very sad people who dump all of their sadness on me. There's the woman who can't stop using cocaine, there's the kid who wants to see what it would feel like to kill someone, the little girl who wants to stab her mother, the teenager who spends every time she sees me in tears. I love these people, each of them. And I love my job. But what's missing is between the therapy-class-homework-nannying-cleaning-planning is that there's just no room left in my life for…..well me.
What I need, who I've lost, was that fun-loving crazy happy girl. There's just not room for her anywhere. I have to get up every day and wear black dress pants and a conservative top. I had to say goodbye to that free spirit that I loved so much. What I need is to run wild in the woods for hours, to spend time on the beach, to read for pleasure, to wear clothes that I actually feel like represent me.
I think it's important in the midst of chaos, whatever yours happens to be, to make that room to let your soul be able to breathe. I'll be working on finding that myself.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
I'm Baaack!
"She's a runner, a rebel, and a stunner" -Red Hot Chili Peppers
It really, really, has been too long. In fact, my dearest readers, it has been so long that I almost feel a need to reintroduce myself. My life has changed so much since my last post that you may not even recognize me, or remember me for that matter.
I considered starting a new blog, because, my life isn't only about running anymore. What then am I to do with a blog about a life about running? But I couldn't give up my site, I couldn't change something that I've grown so much attached to. So we'll continue our journey here on learning how to fly.
But please, allow me to unveil my new, and (I'd like to think) improved life.
On Running: I still run quite a bit. Don't get me wrong friends. In fact, I run more. But the thing is, running isn't the main focus of my life anymore. I'd like it to be of some focus, of course, but, you see my life is so taken up by so many other things that I don't seem to have the time, nor the concentration to put my whole focus toward running. When I have too busy of a day I take a day off. If I'm not feeling good, I take a day off. If I'm spending the day with my lovely significant other, I take a day off. If I don't want to run...sometimes I take a day off. imagine, that here I may speak of it more than in everyday life, but I've learned that there are far, far more important things than my career as an almost-but-not-quite spectacular athlete. What kinds of things could possibly be ore important you may be asking?
On Love: I'm planning a wedding. When you're planning a wedding the things you tend to not have time for includes, but is not limited to: sleeping, breathing (dresses are tight!), cooking, working out, school. It creates animosity between you and your mother, you and your fiancé, you and your father...you and everyone basically. Planning a wedding, as the bride, is stressful. It just is.
That said, One month and two days from today I am marrying the best friend I have ever had, and thinking about that reminds me that I have nothing to be stressed out about.
On being a Therapist: The free time that I do have, between being a fiancee, and a runner, goes to being a therapist as well as a student. I'm in my second of five years of graduate school. Those five years will add up to me being a doctor of psychology.
In the mean time I'll be doing lots of odd jobs as a therapist.
1. I work with drug addiction. Like for real drug addiction. Most of my patients are cocaine or meth addicts, or very heavy alcoholics. All of them are in a rehab facility. They are amongst the strongest, bravest, most amazing individuals that I have ever met.
2. I also do intensive therapy with severe autism. These individuals are also amongst the most amazing that I have ever met.
Even though it can be hard, being a psychologist is therefore the most amazing job that you can have. Expect me not to talk anymore about my patients. Expect me to complain a lot more about all of the homework I have to do.
And no, sports psychologist is not even a question. I am absolutely sure that it is not psychologically healthy for you job and your hobby to be one and the same. That, and there's no way that i could pry myself away from my wonderful autistic kiddos.
On Life: I'm not a vegetarian anymore. Snowy owls are still my favorite animal. I still feel like I'm on my own personal journey to learn how to fly.
It really, really, has been too long. In fact, my dearest readers, it has been so long that I almost feel a need to reintroduce myself. My life has changed so much since my last post that you may not even recognize me, or remember me for that matter.
I considered starting a new blog, because, my life isn't only about running anymore. What then am I to do with a blog about a life about running? But I couldn't give up my site, I couldn't change something that I've grown so much attached to. So we'll continue our journey here on learning how to fly.
But please, allow me to unveil my new, and (I'd like to think) improved life.
On Running: I still run quite a bit. Don't get me wrong friends. In fact, I run more. But the thing is, running isn't the main focus of my life anymore. I'd like it to be of some focus, of course, but, you see my life is so taken up by so many other things that I don't seem to have the time, nor the concentration to put my whole focus toward running. When I have too busy of a day I take a day off. If I'm not feeling good, I take a day off. If I'm spending the day with my lovely significant other, I take a day off. If I don't want to run...sometimes I take a day off. imagine, that here I may speak of it more than in everyday life, but I've learned that there are far, far more important things than my career as an almost-but-not-quite spectacular athlete. What kinds of things could possibly be ore important you may be asking?
On Love: I'm planning a wedding. When you're planning a wedding the things you tend to not have time for includes, but is not limited to: sleeping, breathing (dresses are tight!), cooking, working out, school. It creates animosity between you and your mother, you and your fiancé, you and your father...you and everyone basically. Planning a wedding, as the bride, is stressful. It just is.
That said, One month and two days from today I am marrying the best friend I have ever had, and thinking about that reminds me that I have nothing to be stressed out about.
On being a Therapist: The free time that I do have, between being a fiancee, and a runner, goes to being a therapist as well as a student. I'm in my second of five years of graduate school. Those five years will add up to me being a doctor of psychology.
In the mean time I'll be doing lots of odd jobs as a therapist.
1. I work with drug addiction. Like for real drug addiction. Most of my patients are cocaine or meth addicts, or very heavy alcoholics. All of them are in a rehab facility. They are amongst the strongest, bravest, most amazing individuals that I have ever met.
2. I also do intensive therapy with severe autism. These individuals are also amongst the most amazing that I have ever met.
Even though it can be hard, being a psychologist is therefore the most amazing job that you can have. Expect me not to talk anymore about my patients. Expect me to complain a lot more about all of the homework I have to do.
And no, sports psychologist is not even a question. I am absolutely sure that it is not psychologically healthy for you job and your hobby to be one and the same. That, and there's no way that i could pry myself away from my wonderful autistic kiddos.
On Life: I'm not a vegetarian anymore. Snowy owls are still my favorite animal. I still feel like I'm on my own personal journey to learn how to fly.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
#PrayForBoston
"How much better would the world be if each of us fell asleep at night dreaming of how to make it a better place?"
How could you do something so evil, something so horrendous as to blow off a runner's legs? My heart has been broken for these runners, these hurt people, all of Boston ever since Monday.
I suppose I tend to be a bit naive, not understanding why people can be truly evil. As a person, and as a psychologist, I typically believe that there is some good in everyone. I find it hard to comprehend that there could be people that are just plain evil.
These people, who set off bombs at what is holy ground to runners, swayed that belief system a bit. However, judging by their actions I don't believe that they knew what they were doing. The bombs went off at a time when there wouldn't be a lot of individuals crossing the line, they also didn't go off when the elite athletes finished. Either these bombers didn't do their research well or their disorganization shows that this is a first time thing for them. I do not believe that this bombing was the product of an organized group, it seems to me that these were just some people trying to make a point about something. A point, that they didn't even get across.It saddens me greatly that they chose a marathon of all things.
Because running...running is peaceful. Running doesn't create wars it brings people together. Running is what cures hate not creates it. Whoever those bombs off isn't a runner, because he or she clearly doesn't understand.
Keep praying friends, and keep running.
How could you do something so evil, something so horrendous as to blow off a runner's legs? My heart has been broken for these runners, these hurt people, all of Boston ever since Monday.
I suppose I tend to be a bit naive, not understanding why people can be truly evil. As a person, and as a psychologist, I typically believe that there is some good in everyone. I find it hard to comprehend that there could be people that are just plain evil.
These people, who set off bombs at what is holy ground to runners, swayed that belief system a bit. However, judging by their actions I don't believe that they knew what they were doing. The bombs went off at a time when there wouldn't be a lot of individuals crossing the line, they also didn't go off when the elite athletes finished. Either these bombers didn't do their research well or their disorganization shows that this is a first time thing for them. I do not believe that this bombing was the product of an organized group, it seems to me that these were just some people trying to make a point about something. A point, that they didn't even get across.It saddens me greatly that they chose a marathon of all things.
Because running...running is peaceful. Running doesn't create wars it brings people together. Running is what cures hate not creates it. Whoever those bombs off isn't a runner, because he or she clearly doesn't understand.
Keep praying friends, and keep running.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Confessions of an All-Night Runner
"I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly, I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky"
Confession #1 I want to be an ultra marathoner. From when I was a freshman in high school and I read Dean Karnanez' book "Ultra Marathon Man" to the first (of many) times I read "Born To Run" I've always always wanted to run an ultra.
But there was a time...a loooooong time during which I gave up that dream or any thoughts thereof. That was the time of osteopenia and stress fractures and being too unhealthy to make it through 10 miles much less 100. I gave up on that dream in the midst of a period of my life during which I gave up on myself too. It's been an entire year, where I've gone from zero, nada, absolutely no running, to a 75 mile week in preparation for my marathon. (Something ELSE I almost gave up on) And so, during this landmark week I got to thinking: maybe, maybe ultras really are something that are in the cards for me.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I run at midnight a lot, I was tired, and dehydrated, and probably could have used a Gu (or 5) so it could have been the tiredness or the hunger talking, but it's a thought that I just can't get out of my head. It's the one thing I've wanted to do the longest, the one dream that I just can't seem to get over. Sometimes what gets me through those long miles is thinking about even longer miles someday.
This brings us to the second half of this confession. I will probably never do an Ironman. I realize it's something that I talked about for over a year, I realize I work at a bike shop, I realize that thinking about Ironmans (Ironmen?) was the one thing that got me through that stress fracture, got me through one of the hardest times in my life. And that's O.K. because right then and there, that's what I needed and that's why it was put into my life. But like I said, it's ultra marathons that I keep coming back to. Because running an ultra isnt about training or competition. Instead, it's about 100 miles of thankfulness and being able to shout at mile 99.9 "I made it!" ...Literally, and figuratively.
Confession #2 Somewhere between the 50 mile weeks and the 75 mile weeks I found that listening to classical music makes me run prettier. My stride is better, my foot strike faster. I'm not sure what it is, but something about Beethoven's 5th makes those hard miles in the middle a little faster. Additionally, when a really good song does come on and I can't help myself, I sometimes stop in the middle of my run and have a little solo dance party. You know, just because.
Confession #3 I start out every run swearing up and down to myself that I'm 'only' going to run 8 miles. If I shoot out the door with the idea in mind that I have to do 10 or 15 or 17 it's just not as fun. Because, as I realized a long time ago, having to run destroys all of the fun of it. So I have to run 56 (8 miles a day, 7 days a week) miles per week. Everything else, is just for the hell of it.
Confession #4 I still fear stress fractures. For most of my life things like failure and spiders ranked high on my list of things I'm afraid of. These days, absolutely nothing is more scary to me than another stress fracture. No amount of running, no race, no speed workout is worth running the risk of another injury like that. Call it emotional scarring if you absolutely must, but every time something hurts, every time I feel a twinge in my hip, a shin splint, a tight tendon in my foot, I automatically fear another stress fracture. I spend the next 3-5 days babying said "injury" until it goes away and I realize it's not a stress fracture. I will probably never stop being afraid of being inured, because now that I've found that love to run again, I can't imagine getting through a day without it.
Confession #5 I say a prayer of thanks after every run. Because though it's been a very long, very bumpy road for me, this...right here and now...was worth every step I ever took on crutches, every day I ever had to aqua jog, every second I ever doubted that I'd run fast again.
Confession #1 I want to be an ultra marathoner. From when I was a freshman in high school and I read Dean Karnanez' book "Ultra Marathon Man" to the first (of many) times I read "Born To Run" I've always always wanted to run an ultra.
But there was a time...a loooooong time during which I gave up that dream or any thoughts thereof. That was the time of osteopenia and stress fractures and being too unhealthy to make it through 10 miles much less 100. I gave up on that dream in the midst of a period of my life during which I gave up on myself too. It's been an entire year, where I've gone from zero, nada, absolutely no running, to a 75 mile week in preparation for my marathon. (Something ELSE I almost gave up on) And so, during this landmark week I got to thinking: maybe, maybe ultras really are something that are in the cards for me.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I run at midnight a lot, I was tired, and dehydrated, and probably could have used a Gu (or 5) so it could have been the tiredness or the hunger talking, but it's a thought that I just can't get out of my head. It's the one thing I've wanted to do the longest, the one dream that I just can't seem to get over. Sometimes what gets me through those long miles is thinking about even longer miles someday.
This brings us to the second half of this confession. I will probably never do an Ironman. I realize it's something that I talked about for over a year, I realize I work at a bike shop, I realize that thinking about Ironmans (Ironmen?) was the one thing that got me through that stress fracture, got me through one of the hardest times in my life. And that's O.K. because right then and there, that's what I needed and that's why it was put into my life. But like I said, it's ultra marathons that I keep coming back to. Because running an ultra isnt about training or competition. Instead, it's about 100 miles of thankfulness and being able to shout at mile 99.9 "I made it!" ...Literally, and figuratively.
Confession #2 Somewhere between the 50 mile weeks and the 75 mile weeks I found that listening to classical music makes me run prettier. My stride is better, my foot strike faster. I'm not sure what it is, but something about Beethoven's 5th makes those hard miles in the middle a little faster. Additionally, when a really good song does come on and I can't help myself, I sometimes stop in the middle of my run and have a little solo dance party. You know, just because.
Confession #3 I start out every run swearing up and down to myself that I'm 'only' going to run 8 miles. If I shoot out the door with the idea in mind that I have to do 10 or 15 or 17 it's just not as fun. Because, as I realized a long time ago, having to run destroys all of the fun of it. So I have to run 56 (8 miles a day, 7 days a week) miles per week. Everything else, is just for the hell of it.
Confession #4 I still fear stress fractures. For most of my life things like failure and spiders ranked high on my list of things I'm afraid of. These days, absolutely nothing is more scary to me than another stress fracture. No amount of running, no race, no speed workout is worth running the risk of another injury like that. Call it emotional scarring if you absolutely must, but every time something hurts, every time I feel a twinge in my hip, a shin splint, a tight tendon in my foot, I automatically fear another stress fracture. I spend the next 3-5 days babying said "injury" until it goes away and I realize it's not a stress fracture. I will probably never stop being afraid of being inured, because now that I've found that love to run again, I can't imagine getting through a day without it.
Confession #5 I say a prayer of thanks after every run. Because though it's been a very long, very bumpy road for me, this...right here and now...was worth every step I ever took on crutches, every day I ever had to aqua jog, every second I ever doubted that I'd run fast again.
Monday, March 11, 2013
Midnight Runs, Vanishing Easter Candy, and Other Tales of a High Mileage Week.
"I go for walks [Runs] late at night to stare at the moon, and sometimes to cry to it about my hurts and worries, so that it's light may somehow heal my soul."
So I promise, of course, that I'm done with all of that posting about grad school. Back to running!
This week I conquered new weekly mileage PR at 65.5 miles....mostly long runs with a side of intervals sprinkled in. IN FACT, though you may or may not believe it I'm not even tired, my muscles aren't even sore which is surprising to be sure. The tiredness speaks more to how little I sleep as opposed to how much I run.
It was midterms week in graduate school land (as you all know-refer to my crazy last post) so not only did I run a lot, but in fact I ran at a lot of odd times. For instance, on Thursday I had a 3 hour midterm at night, I had to study in the morning and work all day. Instead of running that day, I went went at 12:01-1:00AM the night before. That was the first midnight run. And it was so great that I did it again. Running at midnight is convenient, and frees up the days in which you would otherwise have to run twice. There's something about midnight runs thats calming, spiritual even. The whole world is asleep except for you. It's like you have the whole place to yourself.
There is absolutely a time where I would have thought going running at midnight was absolutely ludicrous, but now that I've tried it I almost wish that I could do at least half my runs at midnight. As I'm on spring break this week I had at first thought that I wouldn't have to do midnight runs, now I'm thinking it's going to free me up for all midnight runs. I know that maybe it sounds scary, but please grab yourself a can of pepper spray and stare at the moon for 8 miles. Your soul will thank you.
Additionally, during mileage bump weeks all of your food will disappear! As you may or may not know (depending how new you are to this blog) I am the poster child of overtly healthy eating. I've been known to consider lettuce a full meal, an orange good enough for dinner (Absolutely NOT what I'd recommend for nutrition. More on this at a later date.) But this week, this week, I craved everything from oreos to eggs to lettuce and back again to chocolate. I bought a lot of Easter candy for my graduate school class to munch on during a 2-hour presentation I had. Those poor little chocolate bunnies never stood a chance against my 2-a-day runs, my tummy rumbling at 1am after I finished the afore mentioned midnight runs. Gone was my Easter candy, my cheese, and obviously...peanut butter. An embarrassingly large amount of peanut butter if you will.
While running at an area indoor track during the colder, crappier days of this week I received quite a few odd pick-up lines (because, uhh who WOULDN'T want to hit on the sweaty girl running 10 miles in circles?) (note sarcasm). The worst of which included "So, I see you run a lot" the best of which included "It's like your eyes just said 'chase me'". ( I had no idea my eyes were so competitive.) It's always baffled me why men seem to find running attractive. If we're being honest here, I am NOT attractive when I run. Especially when I run and spit at the same time.
I've also been doing a lot of yoga in order to try to compensate for all of this running. Because, even though I feel good now...a month from now 70 miles a week may get a bit rough if I don't start stretching. My favorite yoga workouts includes doing hip-openers at 4am. It is absolutely my advice that ALL runners do hip openers. Between yoga and foam rolling I'm positive that all running injuries can be prevented.
One last thing. As you may or not know, I broke my foot some time ago....my heel bone to be exact. So since starting to run again I've gone from being a classic, chronic heel-striker to an almost-but-not-quite perfect mid-foot strike. And so all miles since the end of this past summer have been in minimalist shoes. (a.k.a. barefoot shoes) I just moved into a complete zero-drop and am working into being in them for at least 30% of the weeks running. Another thing that I've been working on during all of these long miles.
It was a strange week for sure, but a successful one...and quite some time since I was this happy. Happiness credit to both endorphins and Easter candy.
Happy Trails everyone! :)
So I promise, of course, that I'm done with all of that posting about grad school. Back to running!
This week I conquered new weekly mileage PR at 65.5 miles....mostly long runs with a side of intervals sprinkled in. IN FACT, though you may or may not believe it I'm not even tired, my muscles aren't even sore which is surprising to be sure. The tiredness speaks more to how little I sleep as opposed to how much I run.
It was midterms week in graduate school land (as you all know-refer to my crazy last post) so not only did I run a lot, but in fact I ran at a lot of odd times. For instance, on Thursday I had a 3 hour midterm at night, I had to study in the morning and work all day. Instead of running that day, I went went at 12:01-1:00AM the night before. That was the first midnight run. And it was so great that I did it again. Running at midnight is convenient, and frees up the days in which you would otherwise have to run twice. There's something about midnight runs thats calming, spiritual even. The whole world is asleep except for you. It's like you have the whole place to yourself.
There is absolutely a time where I would have thought going running at midnight was absolutely ludicrous, but now that I've tried it I almost wish that I could do at least half my runs at midnight. As I'm on spring break this week I had at first thought that I wouldn't have to do midnight runs, now I'm thinking it's going to free me up for all midnight runs. I know that maybe it sounds scary, but please grab yourself a can of pepper spray and stare at the moon for 8 miles. Your soul will thank you.
Additionally, during mileage bump weeks all of your food will disappear! As you may or may not know (depending how new you are to this blog) I am the poster child of overtly healthy eating. I've been known to consider lettuce a full meal, an orange good enough for dinner (Absolutely NOT what I'd recommend for nutrition. More on this at a later date.) But this week, this week, I craved everything from oreos to eggs to lettuce and back again to chocolate. I bought a lot of Easter candy for my graduate school class to munch on during a 2-hour presentation I had. Those poor little chocolate bunnies never stood a chance against my 2-a-day runs, my tummy rumbling at 1am after I finished the afore mentioned midnight runs. Gone was my Easter candy, my cheese, and obviously...peanut butter. An embarrassingly large amount of peanut butter if you will.
While running at an area indoor track during the colder, crappier days of this week I received quite a few odd pick-up lines (because, uhh who WOULDN'T want to hit on the sweaty girl running 10 miles in circles?) (note sarcasm). The worst of which included "So, I see you run a lot" the best of which included "It's like your eyes just said 'chase me'". ( I had no idea my eyes were so competitive.) It's always baffled me why men seem to find running attractive. If we're being honest here, I am NOT attractive when I run. Especially when I run and spit at the same time.
I've also been doing a lot of yoga in order to try to compensate for all of this running. Because, even though I feel good now...a month from now 70 miles a week may get a bit rough if I don't start stretching. My favorite yoga workouts includes doing hip-openers at 4am. It is absolutely my advice that ALL runners do hip openers. Between yoga and foam rolling I'm positive that all running injuries can be prevented.
One last thing. As you may or not know, I broke my foot some time ago....my heel bone to be exact. So since starting to run again I've gone from being a classic, chronic heel-striker to an almost-but-not-quite perfect mid-foot strike. And so all miles since the end of this past summer have been in minimalist shoes. (a.k.a. barefoot shoes) I just moved into a complete zero-drop and am working into being in them for at least 30% of the weeks running. Another thing that I've been working on during all of these long miles.
It was a strange week for sure, but a successful one...and quite some time since I was this happy. Happiness credit to both endorphins and Easter candy.
Happy Trails everyone! :)
Friday, March 1, 2013
Greener on the Other Side-The World of Post-Collegiate Training
"Oftentimes it is in the winds of change that we find our true direction"
A very good friend of mine reminded me that once upon a time I used to blog about my training for all the world to see. And it's true, I gave up on this when I started graduate school and gave up on my life as a runner. But after a very long and wonderful chat with that friend, who is going through some running-related difficulties herself, I decided to give my little blog another shot and update the world on what it's like to be a runner when there is no more nationals, no more fans, no more press coverage. Instead, it becomes about you and graduate school and work and some running. There's no more stadiums for Kansas Relays, there's no more conference races or teammates to run with. No more coaches pushing you in workouts, no more free gym access, and no more recognition for being a college athlete.
But what there is is this: complete freedom. No longer does anyone tell me when or where or how far or how fast to run. Instead, training is just between me and my legs and what they can or cannot do on a certain day.
For so long I couldn't see a world beyond that of collegiate running and racing and training. I didn't understand that in the world of running there is so. much. more. out there. Races where you get paid if you win, people who aren't out to win the olympics but are just trying to defeat heart disease or cancer or AIDS. The title of "runner" isn't reserved for the few that can run 6 minute pace for a 10k or run over 50 miles per week. There's so much more out there, and so many runners who are so much more amazing than I can ever hope to be.
But the point is this: what it comes down to is running for yourself, defeating your own demons (whatever they may be) and mayyyybe the competition too along the way. For me, instead of this demanding, stressful burden upon my shoulders races have become a privilege to run, and each run a gift.
I thought the other side of competition would be a bleak place, but what I've learned is that it's in fact better. I was devastated when my foot broke during regionals that last race. I know on here I wrote about ironman races and swimming and hope and strength, but my spirit along with my foot was shattered.
In truth though that injury was the best thing that could have happened to me. Forcing me to see my world without running woke me up and showed me that winning races wasn't the be all end all. Running became more spiritual and less of a task. And suddenly a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. In training runs and in workouts I was hitting times I couldn't even touch while I was in college. I was running 40 miles a week and then 50 and now 60. Something that wouldn't have been possible only a few short years ago. And now I'm running a marathon in 2 months.
So friends, keep your heads up and your dreams alive. Sometimes you find that the grass on the other side really is greener
A very good friend of mine reminded me that once upon a time I used to blog about my training for all the world to see. And it's true, I gave up on this when I started graduate school and gave up on my life as a runner. But after a very long and wonderful chat with that friend, who is going through some running-related difficulties herself, I decided to give my little blog another shot and update the world on what it's like to be a runner when there is no more nationals, no more fans, no more press coverage. Instead, it becomes about you and graduate school and work and some running. There's no more stadiums for Kansas Relays, there's no more conference races or teammates to run with. No more coaches pushing you in workouts, no more free gym access, and no more recognition for being a college athlete.
But what there is is this: complete freedom. No longer does anyone tell me when or where or how far or how fast to run. Instead, training is just between me and my legs and what they can or cannot do on a certain day.
For so long I couldn't see a world beyond that of collegiate running and racing and training. I didn't understand that in the world of running there is so. much. more. out there. Races where you get paid if you win, people who aren't out to win the olympics but are just trying to defeat heart disease or cancer or AIDS. The title of "runner" isn't reserved for the few that can run 6 minute pace for a 10k or run over 50 miles per week. There's so much more out there, and so many runners who are so much more amazing than I can ever hope to be.
But the point is this: what it comes down to is running for yourself, defeating your own demons (whatever they may be) and mayyyybe the competition too along the way. For me, instead of this demanding, stressful burden upon my shoulders races have become a privilege to run, and each run a gift.
I thought the other side of competition would be a bleak place, but what I've learned is that it's in fact better. I was devastated when my foot broke during regionals that last race. I know on here I wrote about ironman races and swimming and hope and strength, but my spirit along with my foot was shattered.
In truth though that injury was the best thing that could have happened to me. Forcing me to see my world without running woke me up and showed me that winning races wasn't the be all end all. Running became more spiritual and less of a task. And suddenly a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. In training runs and in workouts I was hitting times I couldn't even touch while I was in college. I was running 40 miles a week and then 50 and now 60. Something that wouldn't have been possible only a few short years ago. And now I'm running a marathon in 2 months.
So friends, keep your heads up and your dreams alive. Sometimes you find that the grass on the other side really is greener
Monday, July 23, 2012
The NEW training rules
"Running should be free, man" Cabello Blanco
The past couple of weeks I've been working on intelligently rebuilding my miles from that dusty pile of remains my once-spectacular running career had become. My problems stem mostly from anxiety. They range from the ever-present race anxiety to foot breaking anxiety. So I've been working on developing different systems and training methods that work for me but probably sound unheard of to most. Have fun!
Free Run
A free run means leaving your watch, your ipod, heart rate monitors, iphones, etc....at home and taking nothing with you but your shoes...if you aren't into the barefoot thing. When I get too absorbed by the community of racing and perfection and fastness I find it helpful not to know how far I've gone, not to know how fast, but instead to focus on how my feet sound on the trails, what my pace settles into instead of what it "should" be. It's nice, at least once a week or two to step back and just run until I'm good and ready to be done instead of when I'm supposed to be. What it helps me the most with is when that love of running is zonking out a little bit and I need to get it back.
U-Pace Run
We've all heard of T-pace and I-pace, race pace, and easy pace. Let me introduce you to my newest philosophy in the bunch: U-Pace. As with the traditional grade school method of grading U-pace stands for "unsatisfactory" as in this pace is so dang slow and pathethic that it deserves a grade given to a second grader who isn't even trying to learn subtraction. It's unsatisfactory. That's how I feel. But really...the second meaning for U-pace is "ultra marathon pace" I'm not into taking days off of running. I feel really bad about myself when I do and I tend to feel worse the day after a day off. So instead of taking a day off in every 4 day cycle (I tend to work my schedule in 4 day increments unlike most people who work them in 1 week increments) I schedule 1 U-pace day. U-pace days are typically not allowed to be any longer than 30 minutes and (for me) not any faster than 8 minute miles. I try to shoot for 9-10 minute pace usually though. From the second I step out the door until I stop my watch I am in the mindset that I must be running a pace that I could easily maintain for 100 miles. It is supposed to be painfully slow. this.is. recovery.
4 Day Cycles
As I mentioned above I gave up scheduling things in week-long incremnts. I still add up my mileage every week to see where I'm at, but in general I prefer to do my running schedule every 4 days instead of every 7. Before when I ran I was just trying to make it through a week: long run, easy, hard,easy, hard, easy, long. My whole week was centered around the mileage goal which I was always either trying to reach or trying not to go over. In addition my week also centered around those long runs making sure I didn't schedule hard and long too close together....there were too many touchy variables that I had to be careful of, too many goals to make. Maybe someday I can go back to that but right now my training flows around 4 main days.
Day 1. Long. Go as long as you feel comfortable (but no more than 10% longer than you went on your last long day) If you can't do more than 8 don't. If you feel ready to do 13 or 14 or build by 10% it's up to you.
Day 2. Drop your long run by about 20%. I typically follow a 20 minute rule though based on how I'm feeling. If I did 1 hour and 20 I usually run an hour. If I ran my long in an hour I usually do 40. This pace should be relatively easy. At the end 6-8 strides of 50-100 meters. (barefoot if you can)
Day 3. Tempo and speed. Minute-wise this run should be about the same as day 2. However, add in some sort of speed work. Right now, I'm staying away from intense track work so my Day 3's are based around heavily upon long tempo runs. For example: a warm up of 10 minutes easy, 20 minutes @ tempo (about 40 seconds slower than race pace) and a 10 minute cool down. OR a 3-5 mile progressive run (getting faster as you go.) OR a fartlek
Day 4. Rest, regroup, and re-evaluate. On the beginning of all day 4's I always take time to really pay attention to my body and what it may need and how it's feeling after the previous three days. What's sore? What needs extra stretching? If I'm really hurting somewhere and afraid of injury it's the day 4's that are the days off where I would hypothetically just swim or bike. Once the regrouping is good and I feel confident that I don't need a day off, this then is the day for U-pace so I set out of my house for 3-4 miles at a nice 8-10 minute per mile trot. Followed by 4-6 strides of 50-100 meters.
Katie Miles
I base all runs off of 7 minute pace (except U-pace obviously). This means that when I add up my mileage regardless of how fast it actually was I count it as 7 minute per mile pace. It's easier to keep track of mileage this way and bases training on effort instead of junk miles. So yeah...I lose sometimes when I have some soft of epic run that I do 6:45 pace for 12 miles. But it also allows me to have days where I do 7:30 pace for 8 miles if it's hot or I feel crappy. This system (based on 'badger miles' used at the program at the University of Wisconsin-Madison) allows for the flexibility to base each run on how you're feeling and not what you "have" to do.
Equal Opportunity Cross Training
Swimming is and 1:1 ratio. Minutes spent swimming=minutes spent running. It takes me about an hour to swim a 5k. This equals the effort that It would have taken me to run for an hour. I.E. it goes down in the log as a 3 mile swim and effort-wise is equal to about an 8 mile run. Biking is a 4:1 ratio. All biking miles must be divided by 4 and then logged. A 40 mile bike is equal to a 10 mile run. An 80 mile bike is technically equal to a 20 mile run. HOWEVER the wear and tear is much less SO if it's a U-pace day and I bike instead I am not limited to biking for only 16 miles to equal a 4 mile run. This system is set. No changes, ifs, ands, or buts.
and finally....
Zero Pressure Racing
Races in 2012 have a clause attached to them. I am required by myself to only tempo them. If I'm feeling awesome and not scared then O.K. I'm all over this whole racing thing, but for the time being there's no pressure to "win" and times? Times don't matter. I can run a 25 minute 5k for all I care as long as I don't get injured.
It's new and it's different but right now there are the things that are working for me. Hopefully they can start working for other people as well. It's not traditional at all, however "tradition" wasn't working for me. Right now I'm just enjoying the time where I get to run free and as fast...or slow ...as I want
The past couple of weeks I've been working on intelligently rebuilding my miles from that dusty pile of remains my once-spectacular running career had become. My problems stem mostly from anxiety. They range from the ever-present race anxiety to foot breaking anxiety. So I've been working on developing different systems and training methods that work for me but probably sound unheard of to most. Have fun!
Free Run
A free run means leaving your watch, your ipod, heart rate monitors, iphones, etc....at home and taking nothing with you but your shoes...if you aren't into the barefoot thing. When I get too absorbed by the community of racing and perfection and fastness I find it helpful not to know how far I've gone, not to know how fast, but instead to focus on how my feet sound on the trails, what my pace settles into instead of what it "should" be. It's nice, at least once a week or two to step back and just run until I'm good and ready to be done instead of when I'm supposed to be. What it helps me the most with is when that love of running is zonking out a little bit and I need to get it back.
U-Pace Run
We've all heard of T-pace and I-pace, race pace, and easy pace. Let me introduce you to my newest philosophy in the bunch: U-Pace. As with the traditional grade school method of grading U-pace stands for "unsatisfactory" as in this pace is so dang slow and pathethic that it deserves a grade given to a second grader who isn't even trying to learn subtraction. It's unsatisfactory. That's how I feel. But really...the second meaning for U-pace is "ultra marathon pace" I'm not into taking days off of running. I feel really bad about myself when I do and I tend to feel worse the day after a day off. So instead of taking a day off in every 4 day cycle (I tend to work my schedule in 4 day increments unlike most people who work them in 1 week increments) I schedule 1 U-pace day. U-pace days are typically not allowed to be any longer than 30 minutes and (for me) not any faster than 8 minute miles. I try to shoot for 9-10 minute pace usually though. From the second I step out the door until I stop my watch I am in the mindset that I must be running a pace that I could easily maintain for 100 miles. It is supposed to be painfully slow. this.is. recovery.
4 Day Cycles
As I mentioned above I gave up scheduling things in week-long incremnts. I still add up my mileage every week to see where I'm at, but in general I prefer to do my running schedule every 4 days instead of every 7. Before when I ran I was just trying to make it through a week: long run, easy, hard,easy, hard, easy, long. My whole week was centered around the mileage goal which I was always either trying to reach or trying not to go over. In addition my week also centered around those long runs making sure I didn't schedule hard and long too close together....there were too many touchy variables that I had to be careful of, too many goals to make. Maybe someday I can go back to that but right now my training flows around 4 main days.
Day 1. Long. Go as long as you feel comfortable (but no more than 10% longer than you went on your last long day) If you can't do more than 8 don't. If you feel ready to do 13 or 14 or build by 10% it's up to you.
Day 2. Drop your long run by about 20%. I typically follow a 20 minute rule though based on how I'm feeling. If I did 1 hour and 20 I usually run an hour. If I ran my long in an hour I usually do 40. This pace should be relatively easy. At the end 6-8 strides of 50-100 meters. (barefoot if you can)
Day 3. Tempo and speed. Minute-wise this run should be about the same as day 2. However, add in some sort of speed work. Right now, I'm staying away from intense track work so my Day 3's are based around heavily upon long tempo runs. For example: a warm up of 10 minutes easy, 20 minutes @ tempo (about 40 seconds slower than race pace) and a 10 minute cool down. OR a 3-5 mile progressive run (getting faster as you go.) OR a fartlek
Day 4. Rest, regroup, and re-evaluate. On the beginning of all day 4's I always take time to really pay attention to my body and what it may need and how it's feeling after the previous three days. What's sore? What needs extra stretching? If I'm really hurting somewhere and afraid of injury it's the day 4's that are the days off where I would hypothetically just swim or bike. Once the regrouping is good and I feel confident that I don't need a day off, this then is the day for U-pace so I set out of my house for 3-4 miles at a nice 8-10 minute per mile trot. Followed by 4-6 strides of 50-100 meters.
Katie Miles
I base all runs off of 7 minute pace (except U-pace obviously). This means that when I add up my mileage regardless of how fast it actually was I count it as 7 minute per mile pace. It's easier to keep track of mileage this way and bases training on effort instead of junk miles. So yeah...I lose sometimes when I have some soft of epic run that I do 6:45 pace for 12 miles. But it also allows me to have days where I do 7:30 pace for 8 miles if it's hot or I feel crappy. This system (based on 'badger miles' used at the program at the University of Wisconsin-Madison) allows for the flexibility to base each run on how you're feeling and not what you "have" to do.
Equal Opportunity Cross Training
Swimming is and 1:1 ratio. Minutes spent swimming=minutes spent running. It takes me about an hour to swim a 5k. This equals the effort that It would have taken me to run for an hour. I.E. it goes down in the log as a 3 mile swim and effort-wise is equal to about an 8 mile run. Biking is a 4:1 ratio. All biking miles must be divided by 4 and then logged. A 40 mile bike is equal to a 10 mile run. An 80 mile bike is technically equal to a 20 mile run. HOWEVER the wear and tear is much less SO if it's a U-pace day and I bike instead I am not limited to biking for only 16 miles to equal a 4 mile run. This system is set. No changes, ifs, ands, or buts.
and finally....
Zero Pressure Racing
Races in 2012 have a clause attached to them. I am required by myself to only tempo them. If I'm feeling awesome and not scared then O.K. I'm all over this whole racing thing, but for the time being there's no pressure to "win" and times? Times don't matter. I can run a 25 minute 5k for all I care as long as I don't get injured.
It's new and it's different but right now there are the things that are working for me. Hopefully they can start working for other people as well. It's not traditional at all, however "tradition" wasn't working for me. Right now I'm just enjoying the time where I get to run free and as fast...or slow ...as I want
Friday, July 20, 2012
Four Random Things Friday
"Sometimes the most beautiful thing you can do for someone is simply to believe in them"
1. So I think that I've changed my mind about something. I know I love biking and swimming. But I just don't think that now is the time for a triathlon. I'm just not quite ready and the idea isn't exciting me like it used to. I think the fact that I swim 5k's all the time and ride 100-112 miles frequently kind of took some of the excitement out of an ironman. I'm not even in good shape and I can do this. However, I can't run a marathon And obviously, I need to get on that before I go and sign up for an ironman. That's exactly what I plan to do. I feel slightly like I'm betraying biking and all the hundreds of miles I put in but...running is my first love and I have things to finish before I stop the competitive running completely. This does not mean I'm not doing an ironman. It simply means I don't have the time right now...and I'm still a little caught up in this whole "running dream" that one has to die before I start over with a new dream.
How am I going to do this you may be asking? Here's a quick run-down of the plan: I'm running two half marathons one in October (a trail half) and one in the end of September/beginning of November. THEN I'm running a marathon in December (please please please no injuries)
2. I had the nicest most wonderful thing happen to me the other day. One of my customers sent an email to my manager ...and I quote "Katie sold me on Wheel and Sprocket and Trek" and then it goes on to tell about how wonderful their experience working with me was. I love humanity :) And I love that humanity loves me back.
3. I'm sick of being really poor. I don't know if I can take 5 more years of this. urg. It disgusts me to realize that I can barely pay for groceries because I CHOSE TO GET A PH.D. how is that fair? I had a job interview yesterday for a position called a psychometrist....but for the first time in my experience I had NO IDEA what they thought of me and also for the first time in my experience I was not offered the job on the spot. I've never actually had a job interview that didn't end with a job so now I'm extremely nervous and freaking out about what they thought of me. I also have this running critique in my head that sounds like a broken record saying things like "you should have prepared better...you used the word "like" one too many times...you didn't make yourself seem invaluable to the company...you didn't advertise your abilities well enough" arg...well I'll inform you in a couple more weeks if they actually thought it went as horribly as I thought it did. I can always work at a bike store the rest of my life I suppose...
4. Sorry for another one about running...but yesterday I think I somehow had the best run of my entire life. I did an hour and 18 minutes all at a little bit sub-7ish. I had to make myself stop after that. I know, I know, I'm as surprised as anyone. I didn't know I had that in me and yet....
It was then that I decided on doing this whole marathon thing. Maybe even an ultra. Who knows? (MUST KEEP EATING CALCIUM)
My apologies for being so hyped up on some sort of weird running high today. I promise I'll be back to cursing about it the next time something starts hurting.
But otherwise...happy Friday :)
1. So I think that I've changed my mind about something. I know I love biking and swimming. But I just don't think that now is the time for a triathlon. I'm just not quite ready and the idea isn't exciting me like it used to. I think the fact that I swim 5k's all the time and ride 100-112 miles frequently kind of took some of the excitement out of an ironman. I'm not even in good shape and I can do this. However, I can't run a marathon And obviously, I need to get on that before I go and sign up for an ironman. That's exactly what I plan to do. I feel slightly like I'm betraying biking and all the hundreds of miles I put in but...running is my first love and I have things to finish before I stop the competitive running completely. This does not mean I'm not doing an ironman. It simply means I don't have the time right now...and I'm still a little caught up in this whole "running dream" that one has to die before I start over with a new dream.
How am I going to do this you may be asking? Here's a quick run-down of the plan: I'm running two half marathons one in October (a trail half) and one in the end of September/beginning of November. THEN I'm running a marathon in December (please please please no injuries)
2. I had the nicest most wonderful thing happen to me the other day. One of my customers sent an email to my manager ...and I quote "Katie sold me on Wheel and Sprocket and Trek" and then it goes on to tell about how wonderful their experience working with me was. I love humanity :) And I love that humanity loves me back.
3. I'm sick of being really poor. I don't know if I can take 5 more years of this. urg. It disgusts me to realize that I can barely pay for groceries because I CHOSE TO GET A PH.D. how is that fair? I had a job interview yesterday for a position called a psychometrist....but for the first time in my experience I had NO IDEA what they thought of me and also for the first time in my experience I was not offered the job on the spot. I've never actually had a job interview that didn't end with a job so now I'm extremely nervous and freaking out about what they thought of me. I also have this running critique in my head that sounds like a broken record saying things like "you should have prepared better...you used the word "like" one too many times...you didn't make yourself seem invaluable to the company...you didn't advertise your abilities well enough" arg...well I'll inform you in a couple more weeks if they actually thought it went as horribly as I thought it did. I can always work at a bike store the rest of my life I suppose...
4. Sorry for another one about running...but yesterday I think I somehow had the best run of my entire life. I did an hour and 18 minutes all at a little bit sub-7ish. I had to make myself stop after that. I know, I know, I'm as surprised as anyone. I didn't know I had that in me and yet....
It was then that I decided on doing this whole marathon thing. Maybe even an ultra. Who knows? (MUST KEEP EATING CALCIUM)
My apologies for being so hyped up on some sort of weird running high today. I promise I'll be back to cursing about it the next time something starts hurting.
But otherwise...happy Friday :)
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Human
"After all, we're only human"
I've been realizing lately and when I say lately over the past year that I'm not as invincible as I normally pretend that I am. This realization began of course with the breaking of the foot and is finishing because with each and every dumb thing that I do I realize that I'm just going to get hurt if I continue on with my stupid path. I've said it before, but I promise I'm doing my very best to take care of myself...but I'm really not good at it.
So, on my run today, I asked myself what is the point of being only human? As humans we constantly create and emulate things greater than us, things that we can never aspire to be. We write about characters that could never be real, invent superheros to solve the problems we can't, and religiously follow our own twisted standard of perfection.
But what's wrong with being "only" human? Without being human we would never know pain or sorrow or love or friendship....what I'm saying is that we'd be robots.
Lately I've been struggling a lot with who I am and what I'm doing and where I'm going. I assume that this is nothing more than all 22 year olds go through at this exact point in their lives.
Do I do the grad school thing?
Do I settle down and get married?
Do I focus on my career as a triathlete instead?
Would I like a dog or a cat someday?
One or two story house?
Sports psychology or forensic psychology?
The questions, I assume differ for everyone but the point is the same. In this world we're all running with no direction, no definite plan, no knowledge of what could or could not happen in the future.
So do we keep running towards it?
The answer I came to as I was running today was yes. Keep running as fast as you can and do everything that you can along the way. What's a beautiful run in the woods if you don't stop and admire the view? Why bike 50 miles if you're not going somewhere with beautiful scenery?
I guess what I'm just saying is that I've been realizing that no matter how much, or how fast I run towards my goals or away from my problems we're all equally lost in this life. We're all equally confused as to how to do our best job to be perfect. Why? Because we're human and we fail at being perfect each and every time.
But, in an answer to my origional question that's the beaty of being just human. We make mistakes. We regret them, we make the right choices. And all through out this mess we realize that being perfect is not what it's about. It's about being the best human possible. Nothing else in eternity has the chance we do: to mess up and find beauty along the way anyways. I think that's the best part about being human. That, and the fact that we have other humans to share that imperfect life with.
I've been realizing lately and when I say lately over the past year that I'm not as invincible as I normally pretend that I am. This realization began of course with the breaking of the foot and is finishing because with each and every dumb thing that I do I realize that I'm just going to get hurt if I continue on with my stupid path. I've said it before, but I promise I'm doing my very best to take care of myself...but I'm really not good at it.
So, on my run today, I asked myself what is the point of being only human? As humans we constantly create and emulate things greater than us, things that we can never aspire to be. We write about characters that could never be real, invent superheros to solve the problems we can't, and religiously follow our own twisted standard of perfection.
But what's wrong with being "only" human? Without being human we would never know pain or sorrow or love or friendship....what I'm saying is that we'd be robots.
Lately I've been struggling a lot with who I am and what I'm doing and where I'm going. I assume that this is nothing more than all 22 year olds go through at this exact point in their lives.
Do I do the grad school thing?
Do I settle down and get married?
Do I focus on my career as a triathlete instead?
Would I like a dog or a cat someday?
One or two story house?
Sports psychology or forensic psychology?
The questions, I assume differ for everyone but the point is the same. In this world we're all running with no direction, no definite plan, no knowledge of what could or could not happen in the future.
So do we keep running towards it?
The answer I came to as I was running today was yes. Keep running as fast as you can and do everything that you can along the way. What's a beautiful run in the woods if you don't stop and admire the view? Why bike 50 miles if you're not going somewhere with beautiful scenery?
I guess what I'm just saying is that I've been realizing that no matter how much, or how fast I run towards my goals or away from my problems we're all equally lost in this life. We're all equally confused as to how to do our best job to be perfect. Why? Because we're human and we fail at being perfect each and every time.
But, in an answer to my origional question that's the beaty of being just human. We make mistakes. We regret them, we make the right choices. And all through out this mess we realize that being perfect is not what it's about. It's about being the best human possible. Nothing else in eternity has the chance we do: to mess up and find beauty along the way anyways. I think that's the best part about being human. That, and the fact that we have other humans to share that imperfect life with.
Friday, July 6, 2012
Signs I'm an Exercise Addict in RFF Form
"Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with" -Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
1. The good news is my foot is not broken (but the whole world knew that except for me I think.)
2. The bad news of course, is that I'm still an idiot. This is why:
3. Last week I raced on Wednesday.
4. On Saturday I decided to run for an hour and 20 minutes. Genius.
5. So then I woke up on Sunday and I ran a bit and my foot started hurting later that afternoon. I fell into some sort of hysterics about my foot being broken again. I didn't do my second run Sunday night, I didn't run Monday and Tuesday was more of an experiment in pain tolerance than a jog. Wednesday I didn't even touch my running shoes.
6. Luckily I have the best family in the world. For that I can never be thankful enough.
7. My aunt came to visit on the Fourth of July and so I drove south to visit her and my parents. Distraught about my foot, and life in general I spent the morning with her talking about running and my injuries, and life and stretching out my tight hips and checking over my running form.
We discovered that I'm still favoring my heel. After 9 months I'm still afraid to run on it. So therefore, on my left leg I fall into the habit of running on the outside of my foot. Perhaps...perhaps this is why my arch is hurting.
And in addition, I fell into the "too much too soon" trap again. I don't have a good reason for why I needed to run for an hour and 20 minutes only two days after my first race since November. I freely admit my exercise addiction and that's probably why. I know you're rolling your eyes right now, but running is just so stinking addicting. Unfortunately I've barely been able to run since.
After the 3 hour stretching/massaging/therapy session with my aunt (who is apparently a miracle worker) I was able to run 5 miles pain free. I wasn't in the mood to test my luck so after 40 minutes I stopped running. But it was pain free and that's the important part. I also concentrated really, really, hard on my foot plant and that seemed to help me a bit too.
So now it's been massaging and stretching 24/7 and worrying about running or not running and trying to get back to running a ton. Story of my life. But I'm still learning my lesson, and I'm still learning about moderation, and still learning that you can't just take out all of your frustrations in a 12 mile run per day (not yet that is) Curse these stupid self-inflicted injuries.
8. I will do an ironman. Maybe and ultra marathon. Just gotta keep being patient with myself, and keep a good head on my shoulders when exercise addiction threatens to take over.
9. My job interview went well this week. Crossing fingers I get this job ...even if it means leaving the bike shop :(
This week's goal: Cut down on running, and keep believing :)
Happy weekend everyone. Stay cool in this ridiculous weather.
1. The good news is my foot is not broken (but the whole world knew that except for me I think.)
2. The bad news of course, is that I'm still an idiot. This is why:
3. Last week I raced on Wednesday.
4. On Saturday I decided to run for an hour and 20 minutes. Genius.
5. So then I woke up on Sunday and I ran a bit and my foot started hurting later that afternoon. I fell into some sort of hysterics about my foot being broken again. I didn't do my second run Sunday night, I didn't run Monday and Tuesday was more of an experiment in pain tolerance than a jog. Wednesday I didn't even touch my running shoes.
6. Luckily I have the best family in the world. For that I can never be thankful enough.
7. My aunt came to visit on the Fourth of July and so I drove south to visit her and my parents. Distraught about my foot, and life in general I spent the morning with her talking about running and my injuries, and life and stretching out my tight hips and checking over my running form.
We discovered that I'm still favoring my heel. After 9 months I'm still afraid to run on it. So therefore, on my left leg I fall into the habit of running on the outside of my foot. Perhaps...perhaps this is why my arch is hurting.
And in addition, I fell into the "too much too soon" trap again. I don't have a good reason for why I needed to run for an hour and 20 minutes only two days after my first race since November. I freely admit my exercise addiction and that's probably why. I know you're rolling your eyes right now, but running is just so stinking addicting. Unfortunately I've barely been able to run since.
After the 3 hour stretching/massaging/therapy session with my aunt (who is apparently a miracle worker) I was able to run 5 miles pain free. I wasn't in the mood to test my luck so after 40 minutes I stopped running. But it was pain free and that's the important part. I also concentrated really, really, hard on my foot plant and that seemed to help me a bit too.
So now it's been massaging and stretching 24/7 and worrying about running or not running and trying to get back to running a ton. Story of my life. But I'm still learning my lesson, and I'm still learning about moderation, and still learning that you can't just take out all of your frustrations in a 12 mile run per day (not yet that is) Curse these stupid self-inflicted injuries.
8. I will do an ironman. Maybe and ultra marathon. Just gotta keep being patient with myself, and keep a good head on my shoulders when exercise addiction threatens to take over.
9. My job interview went well this week. Crossing fingers I get this job ...even if it means leaving the bike shop :(
This week's goal: Cut down on running, and keep believing :)
Happy weekend everyone. Stay cool in this ridiculous weather.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Random Fact Fridays
"To be yourself in a world where people are trying to be anything but themselves is a great victory"
1. I may have caught the biggest break of my life this week. Two words: job. offer. And no, it's not another bike store. Words can not describe how sad I'll be if I have to leave the BEST JOB EVER for another, potentially better job.
2. I'm still stunned by the fact that I raced on Wednesday. I never actually thought I'd want to again. And now here I am looking for another one.
3. I really really want to go get a tattoo. But I need money first....something I really, really, don't have enough of.
4. I refuse to turn my air conditioning on because I don't want our electricity bill to go up.
5. Scenic nature pictures make me happy. They also make me want to go running.
6. Someday I want to make a ton of money so that I can give it away. (after buying a pony)
7. I love shopping for office supplies -type things. I.E. Receipt holders, planners, etc... When it comes to life organization I have a touch of OCD.
8. I am 22 years old and have consumed three beers in my entire life. Once on a beach in Jamaica, once when I went to a bar with one of my friends and didn't know what else to order, and once when I chugged it immediately after a 5k. (aka last Wednesday.)
9. My favorite books are Eat. Pray. Love. and To Kill a Mockingbird
10. I actually, hope I'm just like my parents when I grow up (shhh don't tell them that)
11. I hate when people leave me voicemails. Just hang up and text dang it.
12. I never ever ever want to get injured again. I freak out whenever anything twinges and always assume it's a stress fracture. I need someone to follow me on my runs daily and remind me that it's going to be ok and stop me from freaking out. Ever since I bumped my mileage back up it's almost constantly on my mind.
13. I wish I had better abs.
14. Everytime I go on facebook someone I knew in high school either got engaged or married or had a baby.
15. I'm seriously considering a 12 mile run this weekend.
Happy Friday Everyone !
1. I may have caught the biggest break of my life this week. Two words: job. offer. And no, it's not another bike store. Words can not describe how sad I'll be if I have to leave the BEST JOB EVER for another, potentially better job.
2. I'm still stunned by the fact that I raced on Wednesday. I never actually thought I'd want to again. And now here I am looking for another one.
3. I really really want to go get a tattoo. But I need money first....something I really, really, don't have enough of.
4. I refuse to turn my air conditioning on because I don't want our electricity bill to go up.
5. Scenic nature pictures make me happy. They also make me want to go running.
6. Someday I want to make a ton of money so that I can give it away. (after buying a pony)
7. I love shopping for office supplies -type things. I.E. Receipt holders, planners, etc... When it comes to life organization I have a touch of OCD.
8. I am 22 years old and have consumed three beers in my entire life. Once on a beach in Jamaica, once when I went to a bar with one of my friends and didn't know what else to order, and once when I chugged it immediately after a 5k. (aka last Wednesday.)
9. My favorite books are Eat. Pray. Love. and To Kill a Mockingbird
10. I actually, hope I'm just like my parents when I grow up (shhh don't tell them that)
11. I hate when people leave me voicemails. Just hang up and text dang it.
12. I never ever ever want to get injured again. I freak out whenever anything twinges and always assume it's a stress fracture. I need someone to follow me on my runs daily and remind me that it's going to be ok and stop me from freaking out. Ever since I bumped my mileage back up it's almost constantly on my mind.
13. I wish I had better abs.
14. Everytime I go on facebook someone I knew in high school either got engaged or married or had a baby.
15. I'm seriously considering a 12 mile run this weekend.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
So Much Happy
"Take pride in how far you have come, and have faith in how far you can go"
Confidence. Believe. Smile Smile Smile :)
The gun goes off and so does some little mechanism in my brain that's been out of order for some time now. Maybe it was the sound of a starting gun (ok it was actually a horn) or maybe it was that this is exactly what I needed to refocus myself, or maybe I just had to be in this exact moment to remember what I was missing.
What I expected while racing was a lot of things. I expected to be sore. And miserable and slow and tired and scared and frustrated. But once I started running, once the race actually began, the only thought that came into my mind was this: so. much. happy. I was so happy to be running and the feeling of racing and the excitement at the beginning of it all.
I set out this afternoon to the Milwaukee Lakefront to run the Super Run 5k. I picked this race for my first one in which to get over my fear of racing because it seemed small and harmless and hopefully no one I knew would be there. I even entered as "Katherine" instead of "Katie" you know...so no one would know for sure if it was me or not.
The race takes place on top of a bluff right next to Lake Michigan and includes the hills to get up and down that bluff. Unfortunately, not even my careful preparation to pick a low-key small-ish road race prepared me for the giant hill that I had to run up right after the first mile marker.
I didn't plan on actually trying until right around a mile and a half. I know what you're thinking "How can you not try in a race?" I know it sounds bad, but please, hear me out. I went into this thing really fearful about how I would react mentally. I mean, considering that the last race I entered I passed out halfway through and broke my foot. I just didn't know if my head would get in the game or not. So I started out super easy as if I was just doing a fast training run. But then I started passing people and I thought maybe this might not be so bad.
I had a couple initial thoughts of dropping out. But I kept trucking along at my not-quite-race-pace-but-still-quick speed. Eventually I heard people calling out places and realized that I might actually win something. This is new territory for me. In college you don't get to win things. They give you t-shirts usually or sometimes medals. In real life they give you stuff. And I wasn't going to let my fear of breaking my foot talk me out of getting stuff. Because....I mean...we all know how poor I am. Seriously.
Long story short I crossed the finishline of this hot, hilly, course in a less than impressive time but still the second woman overall. So they gave me this:
.....Which entitles me to a free pair of shoes. HOORAY!!!! So if you're keeping up with the math:
-$25 entry fee
-$5 in gas
+25 T-shirt (entry fee money)
+$5 (free socks)
+$130 pair of shoes.
+ Unlimited free beer after the race.....
Luckily forking over the original entry fee was worth it because now I don't have to pay for my next pair of shoes. All in all this was a good day. Not necessarily what I wanted to run for a 5k, but for the heat and the hills I can deal with it.
And finally, after the race the entire field of Milwaukee-natives partied it up as only Wisco runners know how to do. Miller provided unlimited free beer and I saw many a runner beeline straight from the finish to the beer table, skipping over the water. Now....I myself am traditionally a drinking something fruity with an umbrella in it kind of girl but...when in Rome...So I grabbed a beer and downed it with a couple of my friends before I left on my cool down. I can't say for sure, but I had already run 7 miles and was working on my final three. I've never had alcohol in conjunction with running before, but how awesome I felt on my cool down suggests that maybe the two work better together than I thought.
Oh stop it. I only had the one and then it was back to vitamin water zeros and other electrolyte-enhanced beverages.
I may have won free shoes today but I think I won back something even better. I nearly broke down after the race realizing that I can in fact still do this, still race, still love running. And THAT was the best part of all.
So much beyond happiness
Confidence. Believe. Smile Smile Smile :)
The gun goes off and so does some little mechanism in my brain that's been out of order for some time now. Maybe it was the sound of a starting gun (ok it was actually a horn) or maybe it was that this is exactly what I needed to refocus myself, or maybe I just had to be in this exact moment to remember what I was missing.
What I expected while racing was a lot of things. I expected to be sore. And miserable and slow and tired and scared and frustrated. But once I started running, once the race actually began, the only thought that came into my mind was this: so. much. happy. I was so happy to be running and the feeling of racing and the excitement at the beginning of it all.
I set out this afternoon to the Milwaukee Lakefront to run the Super Run 5k. I picked this race for my first one in which to get over my fear of racing because it seemed small and harmless and hopefully no one I knew would be there. I even entered as "Katherine" instead of "Katie" you know...so no one would know for sure if it was me or not.
The race takes place on top of a bluff right next to Lake Michigan and includes the hills to get up and down that bluff. Unfortunately, not even my careful preparation to pick a low-key small-ish road race prepared me for the giant hill that I had to run up right after the first mile marker.
I didn't plan on actually trying until right around a mile and a half. I know what you're thinking "How can you not try in a race?" I know it sounds bad, but please, hear me out. I went into this thing really fearful about how I would react mentally. I mean, considering that the last race I entered I passed out halfway through and broke my foot. I just didn't know if my head would get in the game or not. So I started out super easy as if I was just doing a fast training run. But then I started passing people and I thought maybe this might not be so bad.
I had a couple initial thoughts of dropping out. But I kept trucking along at my not-quite-race-pace-but-still-quick speed. Eventually I heard people calling out places and realized that I might actually win something. This is new territory for me. In college you don't get to win things. They give you t-shirts usually or sometimes medals. In real life they give you stuff. And I wasn't going to let my fear of breaking my foot talk me out of getting stuff. Because....I mean...we all know how poor I am. Seriously.
Long story short I crossed the finishline of this hot, hilly, course in a less than impressive time but still the second woman overall. So they gave me this:
.....Which entitles me to a free pair of shoes. HOORAY!!!! So if you're keeping up with the math:
-$25 entry fee
-$5 in gas
+25 T-shirt (entry fee money)
+$5 (free socks)
+$130 pair of shoes.
+ Unlimited free beer after the race.....
Luckily forking over the original entry fee was worth it because now I don't have to pay for my next pair of shoes. All in all this was a good day. Not necessarily what I wanted to run for a 5k, but for the heat and the hills I can deal with it.
And finally, after the race the entire field of Milwaukee-natives partied it up as only Wisco runners know how to do. Miller provided unlimited free beer and I saw many a runner beeline straight from the finish to the beer table, skipping over the water. Now....I myself am traditionally a drinking something fruity with an umbrella in it kind of girl but...when in Rome...So I grabbed a beer and downed it with a couple of my friends before I left on my cool down. I can't say for sure, but I had already run 7 miles and was working on my final three. I've never had alcohol in conjunction with running before, but how awesome I felt on my cool down suggests that maybe the two work better together than I thought.
Oh stop it. I only had the one and then it was back to vitamin water zeros and other electrolyte-enhanced beverages.
I may have won free shoes today but I think I won back something even better. I nearly broke down after the race realizing that I can in fact still do this, still race, still love running. And THAT was the best part of all.
So much beyond happiness
Monday, June 25, 2012
Running Blind
"Always let your faith be bigger than your fear"
Blind Race This kind of running is defined as going into a race completely blind as to how you may do because you haven't done any official training and have no idea how fast you are.
So I have decided, out of the blue, to do a blind race this coming Wednesday. I'm not really sure what possessed me to sign up for this race when I did. In fact I still wonder every day why exactly I decided to do this when I'm not even sure if I can run three straight miles at one time, much less do it quickly.
There's also the dilemma of the foot. Now, when I signed up for this race, I did it primarily because I knew that the next race that I jumped back into was going to be difficult because....let's face it...I was going to be scared. Scared for my foot, scared to be slow, scared of not finishing...So I figured that it was better to just do the thing and get it out of my system as soon as possible so i could get back to racing. Right? Right?
So then on Saturday only a few days before said race, my foot starts hurting. Crap. Stress fracture. So spent most of Saturday's 10-miler worrying about my foot. Most of Saturday after the run worrying about my foot. Pretty much spending every second worrying about the foot. That is, of course, when I realized that this was the reason I had to race. Because I knew that as soon as I signed up for one, my foot would start hurting. And true to form, it did. Once I realized this though? Foot pain-gone.
I decided that I couldn't just do a race completely blind without any sort indication of how terrible it was going to be. I wanted to do a couple of faster paced intervals just to see how I was doing. So yesterday I devised a speed workout for myself. An easy one, I"ll give you that, but a speed workout nontheless. It went well. I won't bore you with the splits and statistics and how fast I thought I was running, but I will tell you this: I ran the workout faster than I used to run my workouts in college.I got done with the first 400 and stared at my watch...not really sure how in the world I was going be able to keep that up for an entire workout. I took my next one a bit slower but was able to keep the pace relatively well. I did mostly just 400s and 200s.
This is not to say that I am faster than I was in college because I'm definitely not. However, I am in relatively good shape.
Today, my calves are sore with the lovely pain from running fast in spikes. And I'm tired. so tired. But it feels good. It feels-victorious in a way. haha. I'm really glad that I forced myself to do a speed workout.
Now, back to that race. I'm still running relatively blind. The speed workout gave me a smidge of confidence but not that much. Though winning, and confidence is not the point of this race. The point is me, getting back out there and proving to myself once and for all that my foot isn't going to break every time that I race.
I'm excited to blindly run forward and get to experience a race 8 months after I never thought I would run again. Wish me luck!
There's also the dilemma of the foot. Now, when I signed up for this race, I did it primarily because I knew that the next race that I jumped back into was going to be difficult because....let's face it...I was going to be scared. Scared for my foot, scared to be slow, scared of not finishing...So I figured that it was better to just do the thing and get it out of my system as soon as possible so i could get back to racing. Right? Right?
So then on Saturday only a few days before said race, my foot starts hurting. Crap. Stress fracture. So spent most of Saturday's 10-miler worrying about my foot. Most of Saturday after the run worrying about my foot. Pretty much spending every second worrying about the foot. That is, of course, when I realized that this was the reason I had to race. Because I knew that as soon as I signed up for one, my foot would start hurting. And true to form, it did. Once I realized this though? Foot pain-gone.
I decided that I couldn't just do a race completely blind without any sort indication of how terrible it was going to be. I wanted to do a couple of faster paced intervals just to see how I was doing. So yesterday I devised a speed workout for myself. An easy one, I"ll give you that, but a speed workout nontheless. It went well. I won't bore you with the splits and statistics and how fast I thought I was running, but I will tell you this: I ran the workout faster than I used to run my workouts in college.I got done with the first 400 and stared at my watch...not really sure how in the world I was going be able to keep that up for an entire workout. I took my next one a bit slower but was able to keep the pace relatively well. I did mostly just 400s and 200s.
This is not to say that I am faster than I was in college because I'm definitely not. However, I am in relatively good shape.
Today, my calves are sore with the lovely pain from running fast in spikes. And I'm tired. so tired. But it feels good. It feels-victorious in a way. haha. I'm really glad that I forced myself to do a speed workout.
Now, back to that race. I'm still running relatively blind. The speed workout gave me a smidge of confidence but not that much. Though winning, and confidence is not the point of this race. The point is me, getting back out there and proving to myself once and for all that my foot isn't going to break every time that I race.
I'm excited to blindly run forward and get to experience a race 8 months after I never thought I would run again. Wish me luck!
Friday, June 22, 2012
RFF
1. At the bike store I work at I am already famous amongst my co-workers for having the most muscular legs.
2. I'm considering trying veganism.
3. I have an obsession with black beans and anything made with black beans.
4. I recently read the #1 book on New York Times best seller list 50 Shades of Grey. For a bestseller it was pretty awful. BUT now I'm obsessed and have to read the rest of the series to figure out what happens.
5. I put chia seeds and flaxmeal in prettttty much everything.
6. I write out a monthly budget every month and put the designated amount of cash into the designated envelope.
7. I get a lot of my blog quotes from the inspirational tweeters that I follow.
8. Unlike most people, my hair looks awesome when it's humid.
9. Whenever I'm bored and sitting somewhere I massage the bottom of my foot with a golf ball.
10. I bake oftentimes when I'm upset.
11. I re-organized the tri wall at work and got two new free swim caps for doing it. Well...more like because I was complaining about how fast I ruin swim caps.
12. Living on my own is harder than I thought it would be. I hate being in charge of my own bills and things like that. It's so complicated.
13. I miss my physical therapist, though I'm glad I'm not in physical therapy anymore.
14. I've been swimming a lot more lately and I've realized that I missed it a lot.
15. SOMEWHERE deep down inside I found the will to race again (more later!)
16. I'm really bad at unlocking doors. It takes me forever to figure out which way to turn the key.
17. I feel like all of my friends are married or engaged and thinking about babies. I however, continue to patiently wait for the whole "I want a family" gene to kick in. I'll probably end up a crazy cat lady yet.
18. I run faster on trails than on roads.
19. My food tastes have been changing a lot lately. A lot of the foods I used to love I just don't really care about anymore (raisens, carrots, celery, honey,) Recently all it's been a lot of cereal and apples.
20. During my runs I stop and have random dance parties a lot. Yes of course I make sure no one is watching.
Happy Weekend!
2. I'm considering trying veganism.
3. I have an obsession with black beans and anything made with black beans.
4. I recently read the #1 book on New York Times best seller list 50 Shades of Grey. For a bestseller it was pretty awful. BUT now I'm obsessed and have to read the rest of the series to figure out what happens.
5. I put chia seeds and flaxmeal in prettttty much everything.
6. I write out a monthly budget every month and put the designated amount of cash into the designated envelope.
7. I get a lot of my blog quotes from the inspirational tweeters that I follow.
8. Unlike most people, my hair looks awesome when it's humid.
9. Whenever I'm bored and sitting somewhere I massage the bottom of my foot with a golf ball.
10. I bake oftentimes when I'm upset.
11. I re-organized the tri wall at work and got two new free swim caps for doing it. Well...more like because I was complaining about how fast I ruin swim caps.
12. Living on my own is harder than I thought it would be. I hate being in charge of my own bills and things like that. It's so complicated.
13. I miss my physical therapist, though I'm glad I'm not in physical therapy anymore.
14. I've been swimming a lot more lately and I've realized that I missed it a lot.
15. SOMEWHERE deep down inside I found the will to race again (more later!)
16. I'm really bad at unlocking doors. It takes me forever to figure out which way to turn the key.
17. I feel like all of my friends are married or engaged and thinking about babies. I however, continue to patiently wait for the whole "I want a family" gene to kick in. I'll probably end up a crazy cat lady yet.
18. I run faster on trails than on roads.
19. My food tastes have been changing a lot lately. A lot of the foods I used to love I just don't really care about anymore (raisens, carrots, celery, honey,) Recently all it's been a lot of cereal and apples.
20. During my runs I stop and have random dance parties a lot. Yes of course I make sure no one is watching.
Happy Weekend!
Sunday, June 17, 2012
An Accidental Victory
"Never forget that even an ounce of believing in yourself can carry you past a million ounces of doubt"
Sorry, I don't run. I am, after all, training for an ironman. It's not like I have time to run half marathons you know. I am too. cool. to. run.
Or at least, this is the lie that I kept replaying in my head. This past Saturday my crazy mother and my boyfriend had just signed up for a half-marathon in my old hometown and I grudgingly took off of work at THE BEST JOB EVER in order to go cheer them on, for a race that I wasn't running, that....let me add I was pretty bitter about not running. I've wanted to win this half marathon for the past two years, and both times I've been dealing with a crippling injury that has withheld me from said race.
Come to think of it...bitter doesn't really even begin to cover it. I didn't want to watch. I wanted to run, and as far as I was concerned the fact that I couldn't run it...I might as well be selling people more $2,000 mountain bikes where, at least I would be more useful. So I decided to do my run during the race and did my best to give off my "I bike too much to care about running" vibe which was not true in the least.
Soon after I started running though the tables turned. Running in Fort Atkinson where I grew up is so much better than Milwaukee. I almost always have good runs regardless of how I'm feeling when I come home to visit my parents. Yesterday was no exception, though I expected it to be. By some happy accident, the more I ran, the further I ran, the better I felt. I ran to different points of the race to meet the runners and cheer for them running the course backwards. By the time I finished my watch read 1:11. In addition I had run to the racecourse from my house. An additional, unaccounted for 7 minutes.
Panic. Panic. Panic. Panic. I didn't mean to run for 1 hour and 18 minutes you know. I only meant to run 50. But...slowly I realized that in fact, my legs felt fine. And more importantly, my foot felt fine. No pain...and slowly the panic subsided and was replaced with this incredulous joy. Even being extremely conservative concerning my pace I had run 11 miles. Maybe 10.5. I haven't run that far in months. I haven't even run that far since before the breaking of the foot. This was my longest run in possibly 9 months. And I didn't even notice.
Turns out that watching that half marathon awoke something in me that's been trying to surface again for months now, something that I've been ignoring. That something is the fact that I don't hate running, that I love it. Oh...and that my foot is not broken. It's time now to stop saying that.
This week I've run:
8 Sunday
8 Monday
Biked 112 Tuesday
8 Wednesday
7 Thursday
11(ish) Saturday.
(plus miscellaneous biking and swimming)
That equals ....WHAT?!? Even as I type it now, I don't believe it. I haven't run that many miles...in forever. NO WONDER I've been sore and tired. I didn't know I was running that much. I didn't think I could run that much. And with an 11 at the tail end of it? Friday's off-day was totally worth it as far as I'm concerned. How is it that I'm already running that much?
It's like an accident, like I was just trying to keep the reins on and keep myself under control and try to get better and try to get healed and all of a sudden I found myself back where I was months ago. Somehow I wound up back...maybe even better than when I started.
So thankful for the week, so thankful for my body that bounced back into a 40 mile week without me even realizing it, without me even trying. So thankful that I went kicking and screaming to watch that half-marathon so that some kind of running-loving could re-awake inside of me. The best is, of course yet to come. :) No more panic, no more pain, no more broken foot.
It seems I have conquered something which I never thought I would- a broken foot along with a broken confidence.
Sorry, I don't run. I am, after all, training for an ironman. It's not like I have time to run half marathons you know. I am too. cool. to. run.
Or at least, this is the lie that I kept replaying in my head. This past Saturday my crazy mother and my boyfriend had just signed up for a half-marathon in my old hometown and I grudgingly took off of work at THE BEST JOB EVER in order to go cheer them on, for a race that I wasn't running, that....let me add I was pretty bitter about not running. I've wanted to win this half marathon for the past two years, and both times I've been dealing with a crippling injury that has withheld me from said race.
Come to think of it...bitter doesn't really even begin to cover it. I didn't want to watch. I wanted to run, and as far as I was concerned the fact that I couldn't run it...I might as well be selling people more $2,000 mountain bikes where, at least I would be more useful. So I decided to do my run during the race and did my best to give off my "I bike too much to care about running" vibe which was not true in the least.
Soon after I started running though the tables turned. Running in Fort Atkinson where I grew up is so much better than Milwaukee. I almost always have good runs regardless of how I'm feeling when I come home to visit my parents. Yesterday was no exception, though I expected it to be. By some happy accident, the more I ran, the further I ran, the better I felt. I ran to different points of the race to meet the runners and cheer for them running the course backwards. By the time I finished my watch read 1:11. In addition I had run to the racecourse from my house. An additional, unaccounted for 7 minutes.
Panic. Panic. Panic. Panic. I didn't mean to run for 1 hour and 18 minutes you know. I only meant to run 50. But...slowly I realized that in fact, my legs felt fine. And more importantly, my foot felt fine. No pain...and slowly the panic subsided and was replaced with this incredulous joy. Even being extremely conservative concerning my pace I had run 11 miles. Maybe 10.5. I haven't run that far in months. I haven't even run that far since before the breaking of the foot. This was my longest run in possibly 9 months. And I didn't even notice.
Turns out that watching that half marathon awoke something in me that's been trying to surface again for months now, something that I've been ignoring. That something is the fact that I don't hate running, that I love it. Oh...and that my foot is not broken. It's time now to stop saying that.
This week I've run:
8 Sunday
8 Monday
Biked 112 Tuesday
8 Wednesday
7 Thursday
11(ish) Saturday.
(plus miscellaneous biking and swimming)
That equals ....WHAT?!? Even as I type it now, I don't believe it. I haven't run that many miles...in forever. NO WONDER I've been sore and tired. I didn't know I was running that much. I didn't think I could run that much. And with an 11 at the tail end of it? Friday's off-day was totally worth it as far as I'm concerned. How is it that I'm already running that much?
It's like an accident, like I was just trying to keep the reins on and keep myself under control and try to get better and try to get healed and all of a sudden I found myself back where I was months ago. Somehow I wound up back...maybe even better than when I started.
So thankful for the week, so thankful for my body that bounced back into a 40 mile week without me even realizing it, without me even trying. So thankful that I went kicking and screaming to watch that half-marathon so that some kind of running-loving could re-awake inside of me. The best is, of course yet to come. :) No more panic, no more pain, no more broken foot.
It seems I have conquered something which I never thought I would- a broken foot along with a broken confidence.
Friday, June 15, 2012
Friday Facts
"Keep on dreamin' even if it breaks your heart"
1. I bought a new lucky sportsbra and new lucky green socks today. Which brought to mind a question: can you purchase things with the intention of them being lucky? Hm...more on this later next week.
2. I would give up going to graduate school full time if someone offered to sponsor me in triathlons (a girl can dream ok) shhhh don't tell my parents this. lol
3. I sometimes jump into my apartment's pool instead of showering if I don't have enough time.
4. I don't take flattery very well. I turn all red and stare at the ground. In the same breath I thrive on pleasing people and making them happy.
5. My best friend grew up on a farm and they raise goats, so when we were in high school I used to spend the night there and get up at 5am with her to feed baby goats, which are by the way, adorable.
6. Calling people I don't know on the phone makes me really nervous.
7. I've always wanted to adopt a child.
8. I signed up for something exciting this week. I'm not telling because I'm a bit nervous that I'm in over my head and don't want to jinx it, but it's over a week away and I already have some serious butterflies going on. It's a good feeling. It may have also been a really, really, poor impulse decision. Oh well, I guess we'll see.
9. I miss my college friends a lot. Particularly my track teammates.
10. I want to run a marathon. I'd rather train for a half-iron man though.
11. Yesterday, I bonked on my run. It was pretty awesome. After Tuesday's 112-miler and Wednesday's 7.5 miles at 6:50 pace I set off to run to work on Thursday. I opened somewhere around 6:20 pace. Legs died. haha. Yessss I'm taking today off.
12. It makes me really upset when customers/other drivers/strangers who hate bikers/etc yell at me. It ruins my day to think that someone who hasn't even met me could dislike me that much. What is this world coming to?
13.I enjoy a good beer now and again. But I don't like anything too bitter.
14. I'm working SO HARD at taking better care of my body with all of this training but it's hard to know what works and what won't. Oh....and I need to drink a heck of a lot more water than I do currently.
15. Now that I'm really poor I'm also really cheap. I refuse to spend money on anything if it's not a.) something I NEED to live or b.) something that I NEED for biking/running/swimming.
16. I eat too much peanut butter.
17. My sense of humor is outrageously sarcastic and can take some getting used to.
18. Right now, I have too many goals and not enough lifetimes.
Have a great weekend everyone!
1. I bought a new lucky sportsbra and new lucky green socks today. Which brought to mind a question: can you purchase things with the intention of them being lucky? Hm...more on this later next week.
2. I would give up going to graduate school full time if someone offered to sponsor me in triathlons (a girl can dream ok) shhhh don't tell my parents this. lol
3. I sometimes jump into my apartment's pool instead of showering if I don't have enough time.
4. I don't take flattery very well. I turn all red and stare at the ground. In the same breath I thrive on pleasing people and making them happy.
5. My best friend grew up on a farm and they raise goats, so when we were in high school I used to spend the night there and get up at 5am with her to feed baby goats, which are by the way, adorable.
6. Calling people I don't know on the phone makes me really nervous.
7. I've always wanted to adopt a child.
8. I signed up for something exciting this week. I'm not telling because I'm a bit nervous that I'm in over my head and don't want to jinx it, but it's over a week away and I already have some serious butterflies going on. It's a good feeling. It may have also been a really, really, poor impulse decision. Oh well, I guess we'll see.
9. I miss my college friends a lot. Particularly my track teammates.
10. I want to run a marathon. I'd rather train for a half-iron man though.
11. Yesterday, I bonked on my run. It was pretty awesome. After Tuesday's 112-miler and Wednesday's 7.5 miles at 6:50 pace I set off to run to work on Thursday. I opened somewhere around 6:20 pace. Legs died. haha. Yessss I'm taking today off.
12. It makes me really upset when customers/other drivers/strangers who hate bikers/etc yell at me. It ruins my day to think that someone who hasn't even met me could dislike me that much. What is this world coming to?
13.I enjoy a good beer now and again. But I don't like anything too bitter.
14. I'm working SO HARD at taking better care of my body with all of this training but it's hard to know what works and what won't. Oh....and I need to drink a heck of a lot more water than I do currently.
15. Now that I'm really poor I'm also really cheap. I refuse to spend money on anything if it's not a.) something I NEED to live or b.) something that I NEED for biking/running/swimming.
16. I eat too much peanut butter.
17. My sense of humor is outrageously sarcastic and can take some getting used to.
18. Right now, I have too many goals and not enough lifetimes.
Have a great weekend everyone!
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Brand New Dreams
"If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again"
I began something important yesterday. Obviously I figured that everyone in the universe should know about it, and thus here you go.
A long time ago I started thinking about doing an Ironman. When I first began this thought process I was in the peak of my running days, with everything to lose and yet nothing to fear. I wasn't sure about that whole swim/bike thing but I was pretty sure that running a marathon would be a piece of cake for me.
Fast forward 1 year and 6 months. That dream didn't go away, it just changed a bit. I realized that swimming a 4k....that's not too bad...it doesn't even take an hour. But the bike? I'll get to that later... the marathon? Oh gosh.
But back to the biking thing. Yesterday, I got it into my head that I needed to see if I could make it. Not 100 because I've done that already, but the IM distance-112. In the last 22 miles something grabbed hold of me and I realized that this "crazy" thing could actually become a reality sometime in the near future. Turns out that the only thing I didn't think I'd have to worry about is the thing that I'm the least confident about. Twenty-six miles is quite a bit of running people! And especially after that much swimming and biking. I gave up on running a marathon ever about 9 months ago so this is a scary plan for me to really make a reality. However, today I don't have any sore muscles considering the 112 bike-a bit of chafing, but no sore muscles amazingly enough. Sorry for the rambling but I'm trying to make sense of this plan as I type.
I'd like to set my sights on IM Wisconsin within the next 3-5 years. I know that it takes about a full year to get used to and train for an Ironman. In addition, training for this is going to require of me a new bike, and oh...yeah the ability to run too.
But even with all of these obstacles in the way, I do believe that this is the direction I must head. I declared yesterday the official "Iron(wo)man training day 1" and I am holding myself to Ironman WI within the next 5 year (hopefully sooner)
Keep on dreaming my friends, but also realize that even when one dream fails, a better one is soon to follow.
I began something important yesterday. Obviously I figured that everyone in the universe should know about it, and thus here you go.
A long time ago I started thinking about doing an Ironman. When I first began this thought process I was in the peak of my running days, with everything to lose and yet nothing to fear. I wasn't sure about that whole swim/bike thing but I was pretty sure that running a marathon would be a piece of cake for me.
Fast forward 1 year and 6 months. That dream didn't go away, it just changed a bit. I realized that swimming a 4k....that's not too bad...it doesn't even take an hour. But the bike? I'll get to that later... the marathon? Oh gosh.
But back to the biking thing. Yesterday, I got it into my head that I needed to see if I could make it. Not 100 because I've done that already, but the IM distance-112. In the last 22 miles something grabbed hold of me and I realized that this "crazy" thing could actually become a reality sometime in the near future. Turns out that the only thing I didn't think I'd have to worry about is the thing that I'm the least confident about. Twenty-six miles is quite a bit of running people! And especially after that much swimming and biking. I gave up on running a marathon ever about 9 months ago so this is a scary plan for me to really make a reality. However, today I don't have any sore muscles considering the 112 bike-a bit of chafing, but no sore muscles amazingly enough. Sorry for the rambling but I'm trying to make sense of this plan as I type.
I'd like to set my sights on IM Wisconsin within the next 3-5 years. I know that it takes about a full year to get used to and train for an Ironman. In addition, training for this is going to require of me a new bike, and oh...yeah the ability to run too.
But even with all of these obstacles in the way, I do believe that this is the direction I must head. I declared yesterday the official "Iron(wo)man training day 1" and I am holding myself to Ironman WI within the next 5 year (hopefully sooner)
Keep on dreaming my friends, but also realize that even when one dream fails, a better one is soon to follow.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
1000 Miles of Forgiveness
"Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father, run for your children, for your sisters and brothers. Leave all you love and your longing behind, you can't carry them with you if you want to survive"
-Florence and the Machine, Dog Days are Over
Running, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. My feet pound over and over to this rhythm. Each step is another apology to that which I love, to myself, to everything I almost gave up on. I'm sorry I'm sorry.
Maybe I apologize too much. Maybe not. Either way it's something I feel I must apologize for. To myself anyways. To think that I almost gave up completely that I can not go one day without thinking about. I'm just thankful every day that I decided at the last second to give it one last try.
It's funny what a turn things have taken. I've progressed rather quickly from how much I used to hate running until now. What flipped the switch exactly I'm not sure. I stayed in my hating running slump for quite some time before I was able to shake it off. Just like during a long run it came somewhere along the 5 mile mark before I relaxed. Once my runs hit 45 minutes I started to feel more confident and less scared. And suddenly I leap that hurdle. I'm now ready to run 8, 10, 15 miles. I'm planning a half marathon in the fall, I'm itching for speed workouts, I want to race.
It's like I'm starting all over again and I have the whole rest of my life to make up for what I almost threw out. It's an amazing feeling to be starting out from scratch again. No one knows me anymore, no one expects anything of me, you won't find my name on the NCAA website predicting my race times. No, what I'm back to is "We'll just have to wait to find out if I am fast or not..." And that's the way I like it. That's when I feel free, and when I feel free is when I run fast. Don't get me wrong, I'm not planning some huge dramatic comeback, but I am excited at the prospect of making a slow but successful comeback. I don't need to be hitting some kind of insane time or getting my pro card. I just want to win a little money here and there to help support my rent and maybe join a team so I can get discounted shoes.
I'm also excited that these things have a direction again. I'm not just working out for the heck of it. I've started legitimately looking for races to run, and legitimately think about training. It's just a start of course, but it's, I think, a good step from where I'd been.
How? you may ask did I conquer my earnest hatred of running?
1. Run on trails
2. Run at night
4. Run early in the morning
5. Run during a thunderstorm
6. Don't feel that you have to run every day
7. Run strides barefoot through sprinklers
8. Run fast....run slow
9. Stop during the middle of a run and dance to something on your ipod
10. Remember that it's all about loving running
That said I have epic biking adventure #2 today, trying to conquer 110 miles, so for me there won't be any running today.
-Florence and the Machine, Dog Days are Over
Running, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. My feet pound over and over to this rhythm. Each step is another apology to that which I love, to myself, to everything I almost gave up on. I'm sorry I'm sorry.
Maybe I apologize too much. Maybe not. Either way it's something I feel I must apologize for. To myself anyways. To think that I almost gave up completely that I can not go one day without thinking about. I'm just thankful every day that I decided at the last second to give it one last try.
It's funny what a turn things have taken. I've progressed rather quickly from how much I used to hate running until now. What flipped the switch exactly I'm not sure. I stayed in my hating running slump for quite some time before I was able to shake it off. Just like during a long run it came somewhere along the 5 mile mark before I relaxed. Once my runs hit 45 minutes I started to feel more confident and less scared. And suddenly I leap that hurdle. I'm now ready to run 8, 10, 15 miles. I'm planning a half marathon in the fall, I'm itching for speed workouts, I want to race.
It's like I'm starting all over again and I have the whole rest of my life to make up for what I almost threw out. It's an amazing feeling to be starting out from scratch again. No one knows me anymore, no one expects anything of me, you won't find my name on the NCAA website predicting my race times. No, what I'm back to is "We'll just have to wait to find out if I am fast or not..." And that's the way I like it. That's when I feel free, and when I feel free is when I run fast. Don't get me wrong, I'm not planning some huge dramatic comeback, but I am excited at the prospect of making a slow but successful comeback. I don't need to be hitting some kind of insane time or getting my pro card. I just want to win a little money here and there to help support my rent and maybe join a team so I can get discounted shoes.
I'm also excited that these things have a direction again. I'm not just working out for the heck of it. I've started legitimately looking for races to run, and legitimately think about training. It's just a start of course, but it's, I think, a good step from where I'd been.
How? you may ask did I conquer my earnest hatred of running?
1. Run on trails
2. Run at night
4. Run early in the morning
5. Run during a thunderstorm
6. Don't feel that you have to run every day
7. Run strides barefoot through sprinklers
8. Run fast....run slow
9. Stop during the middle of a run and dance to something on your ipod
10. Remember that it's all about loving running
That said I have epic biking adventure #2 today, trying to conquer 110 miles, so for me there won't be any running today.
Friday, June 8, 2012
Random Fact Friday!
"You're going to come across people in life who say all of the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it's always their actions you should judge them by. It's actions, not words that matter"
1. I couldn't do this post (or any other post for that matter) last week because my internet box broke and I had to wait for a new one :(
2. Sometimes after work I have to use de-greaser soap instead of body wash.
3. Having two jobs (bike store and forensic psychology internship) is keeping me balanced and keeping me from getting to sick of either one.
4. I did my first hill workout on a bike yesterday. Almost died. It was the biggest hill I've ever seen in my entire life. I was reduced to 5mph by about the middle of the hill. But that said, I did it three times.
5. My go-to band to listen to is Jack's Mannequin. He has a song applicable to anything and everything I'm going through at any given time. I also really like country music though. It makes me happy.
6. For the very first time in a long time I'm getting and itch to *gasp* run a race. shhh don't tell anyone. But I have been looking into a couple of duathalons around the area, some tris and some 5ks. Oh AND I met a professional triathlete yesterday who wandered into my store to stock up on Gu (we have the same favorite flavor) and she and I actually talked about my potential career....deep breath.
7. My parents think that trying to become a semi-pro triathlete would be a waste of time in comparison to perusing my PsyD. I think both would be nice.
8. I like soda. Diet soda anyways....I wouldn't drink regular. My body would probably die from that much sugar.
9. My roommate and I are contemplating getting a cat. I'm kind of allergic to cats so this should be interesting. But I really want a pet so I don't care haha.
10. Now that I work at a bike store I feel like my mechanical ability should translate into every day life...I feel like I should be able to build/fix things. Oftentimes this is not true. But I try anyways. This week I've been working on fixing up an old desk that my great grandfather built in the 50's or something. I think it looks much better.
11. I have excellent intuition about people.
12. One of my goals for the summer is to read a book a week. The only problem is that books are expensive.
13. I used to think that my biggest fear was failure. However, lately with all of the decisions I've been having to make and all of the things I've been stressed out about I think that my biggest fear is making a mistake with my life. or making a decision that I'll later regret. Instead of doing what I want or what I feel I can't make any decisions without looking a gazillion years in the future and deciding if this moment will make me happy in 50 years. Its an extremely irritating trait.
14. My quads are quite seriously getting out of control. Stupid 100 mile bike rides. :)
Have a great weekend everyone!
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