Hope and Hip Exercises

"Never give up on something that you can't go a day without thinking about"

Alright. I'm back.

Before anything, I'd like to start off by thanking all of the people who encouraged me not to give up on myself. I've gotten a lot of very wise advice from from very wise people in the past few days. I've also come to realize what a wonderful group of people I've surrounded myself with. I can't tell you how much it meant to me that ya'll didn't let me sit here and wallow in self-pity.

That said, I fully realized this morning that I needed to snap out of it. If I'm ever going to kick these injuries and get myself back to running I can't just sit around feeling sorry for myself. So I've been doing my best to be proactive. {This means thousands of sets of hip exercises and constant stretching}

 On Tuesday, after I wrote my last post I realized that I needed to do SOMETHING. So I stopped in to see a physical therapist on my way home from work.

I've known Kurt since I was 15 years old. In 2005 his sport and spine clinic was brand-spankin new and I was a high school sophmore with a fractured leg. He brought me through that, through tendonitis, and everything else along the way. So why didn't I go to him immediatly? Stubborn independance I suppose. Luckily he remembered me and we set up an appointment to see if somehow he would be able to put the fractured pieces of me back together again.

So this morning at 4:40A.M. fueled by 5 hours of sleep and 2 big cups of coffee, I jumped on my bike and rode across town to the clinic.

After an hour we set up 3 appointments for next week and I rode off with even more exercises that I'm supposed to do a few times a day. However, for the first time in a long, long while I started to feel some sort of hope after talking to him. Don't get me wrong. My IT band is apparently more solid than a steel rod. My knee does still hurt. My biomechanics are messed up. But with some hard-core physical therapy it looks like this is something that I will eventually be able to move past.

I went for a 16 mile ride afterwards before I had to leave for work, looked up at the sky and saw the sun peaking out. A sign, perhaps, that my silver lining is out there somewhere, and somehow good will come of this. It will make me a stroger runner but a stronger person as well. It taught me patience and to listen to my body when it's crying out in pain. This injury caused me to buy a bike....maybe it's facilitating my journey to become a professional triathlete.{haha}

In all seriousness however, I suppose what I'm really trying to say is that I'm not going to give up on running, or myself. As humans, we don't really have much if we don't have hope and faith. Losing hope, I learned, means losing everything. Without hope we have no chance.

So here's to the hope that I will be able to run again in time for the season. To hope that doing about a gazillion hip exercises every day will heal my knee. Hope that I continue to run, not just now, but for the rest of my life. Hope that I never give up on myself again.

What's Next and What's Left

It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.~Confucius

My knee started hurting on Saturday again....and according to a physical therapist that I asked I shouldn't run for another 2 weeks or so for safety. All I wanted to do is run...but as always, I did too much, to fast and my legs couldn't take it.

I, the poster-child of looking at the sunny side and the glass being half full...I am finally out of answers. For me, all that's left are questions. I don't have any wisdom for this post or any sudden realizations about life.

What am I doing wrong that I can't get better? Why does the entire world seem to be working against me and running? I don't want a lot from life. I don't care about money, or fame, or big houses or fancy cars. All that I really want is to be happy and go running. And for some reason it's the one thing that I can not have.

All that's left for me now is not to give up entirely. I'd be lying if I told you that I think it's all going to be O.K. I realize two weeks doesn't seem that long, but every time I think I'm healed it's always "two more weeks"  What I'd like to do is concentrate on biking and swimming for now and train for a triathalon (half-ironman distance)....But I still have a whole year of collegiate running. Meaning that injured or not I have no choice but to be ready to race come September.

Forgetting everything to train for a triathalon, simply because I'm afraid to come back after this injury clearly isn't the answer to these questions.

For now, my goals isn't to get back into running, or to get faster, or to train for the season..or for an ironman for that matter. My only goal, all that's left really, is to not give up on myself and my legs. I can't focus on running, or getting back to it, or getting fast again. All I can focus on is not giving up, because that's all I feel is left for me.

What's next is to wait for my legs to heal and what's left is to hope that my heart can follow them.