California, Here We Come

When I wiped the tears from my eyes
The warm water took me by surprise
And I woke up beside the ocean
I realized I must be in California

I just got back from spending the last few days in California for my graduate school interview. 

The story behind this school is that my boss got his PsyD. from this school and I've always wanted to attend. It was the school that I dreamed about but never thought I'd get into. But then I got my interview, and I realized that this might actually be a possibility for me. That's when I started to get excited.

Let me take you through the adventure that was this little Midwest girl making her way around Los Angeles. And as you were all hoping, my epic and amusing minor failures that go along with it. 

Step One: Get on plane in Milwaukee

     I almost made it. I swear I did. Unfortunately, I had biked 35 miles that morning so I was trying to hydrate. And sort of forgot about that 'no liquids in your carry-on' rule. So I had not one, but two bottles of water in my backpack that I got stopped by security for. 

Step Two: Transer Planes in Phoenix

     My plane ride to Phoenix was actually really unfortunate. It was incredibly bumpy with more turbulence than I'd ever experienced. A few people actually screamed. I'm a far cry from a seasoned flyer. But I played it cool, acting the part, all the while clenching the armrest with white knuckles. The transfer went off without a hitch minus the part where I was forced to pay 4 dollars for a stupid bottle of water because they took mine away at security. 

Step Three through Five: Sleep. Interview. Get back to LAX airport

    The girl (Claudia) that I was staying with picked me up at the airport and I got to stay with her and her lovely landlord. Her landlord liked me so much that she said that next year if I get into the school I can come and stay with her. Place to live in Cali? Check!

     

    The interview went off without a hitch. In fact I'm a little bit nervous because it even seemed a tad bit too  easy. I thought I would be freaked out. I thought the questions would be hard. I thought that I wouldn't know the answers. But in reality we talked mostly about the whys  of what I wanted to do and instead of making me worry about graduate school it only served to make me more sure of the fact that this is the particular graduate school I'm supposed to be at. 

    Oh...did I mention that I lost my voice? Yeah. It's sickeningly cold in Wisconsin. And I...I have laryngitis. So not only did I have to give myself the elevator pitch of a lifetime. I had to do it all in a whisper to a woman smarter than I can ever hope to be. At least I know this: I will be memorable. They'll look at my file and be like "Oh yeah. That's the girl who whispered her interview. She's pretty tenacious." I hope that's how it goes. 

    At the end of the interview I didn't even have time to take a breath as I caught a cab and sped towards my next flight. My cab driver was friendly enough. But having never taken a cab before in my life, the concept of asking a stranger to take me somewhere and then just trusting that he'll do so was really foreign to me. I spent the entire 80$....yes 80(!) trying not to panic. But sure enough, he dropped me off at the airport in time for my flight. 

Step Seven: Get back to Milwaukee. Convince self to leave the Sunshine

     So I made it to my gate with plenty of time to spare. So I spent a lovely hour and 15 minutes wandering around LAX. I tried to look cool and important as I was still dressed in my interview suit. But looking lost and lugging two giant bags, I probably didn't fool anyone. I slept most of the way back and alternated with reading. Finally, around midnight, I returned to Milwaukee. And it was raining. Of course. 

    I can't wait to go back to LA. I thought I would hate it there. I think parts of me even hoped that I would hate it there so that if I didn't get in, I'd be O.K. with it. But now, I want nothing more than to move there and I can really see myself living in LA. I'm still in a little bit of a fog. I haven't slowed down enough to think about how scary it actually would be to pick up my life and move there. It's all still too new and exciting to be afraid of that yet. That'll come later I'm sure.

I can't wait to hear back from them about mid-March. My fingers are crossed. And my bags are packed

and ready to start a whole new life on the West Coast if the opportunity arises. 

Random Fact Fridays

The reason people give up so fast is because they tend to look at how far they have to go, instead of how far they have gotten


1. I don't remember the last time I slept past 7am


2. When I first started running and people started yelling "Run Forrest, Run!" at me I didn't get it because I hadn't seen the movie. 


3. I wish my thighs were smaller, but I like what biking is making them look like. 


4. I get depressed when my number of twitter followers goes down. 


5. I never scrape my windshield. I just keep squirting my windshield with washer fluid until the frost goes away.
6. Since I started biking, I've had this odd obsession with neon yellow clothing. 


7. I'd rather buy a bike than a car. I'd rather have cycling shoes than Ugg boots. I'd rather go running than have a million dollars. 


8. When/If I get married, instead of a honeymoon at some romantic beach-house-thing, I'd like to go biking across France. 


9. I think mayonnaise is disgusting. 


10.  Because I'm a psychology major, I tend to regard almost all of my dreams as meaningful. This week: I jumped over Niagara Falls. Pretty sure that says something about being scared to take a "jump" in life. 


11. I really, really need another pair of biking shorts. 


12. There's a lady in my Sunday morning spin class who does her 2 hour ride on Sundays as well so I have someone to finish up my ride with. Talking makes you forget how tired your are from the first 75 minutes of spin class. 


13. Though I can't run, my doctor told me I could bike as much as I wanted. Translation: you can't run. Bike as much as humanly possible. 


14. There are too many facts about biking today. Kind of telling of what my life has consisted of lately.


15. I can't wait to have my own apartment. 


15.5 When I get my own apartment and if it allows pets I'd like to get a tiny black poodle to keep me company. And I would name it Kiwi


16.  Because Emily asked, the tattoo that I'm going to get is of a butterfly. Once I get it I'll do a post explaining why. But as far as the design itself I'm about a billion percent sure what it's going to look like. 


17. I've never been on a roller coaster.


18. I tend to pick up on and be irritated by logical fallacies that people use in everyday conversation. 


19. I'm not nervous for my grad school interview. I am nervous, however, to go to LA by myself.


20.  I don't swear. Not for any particular reason besides that coming out of my mouth it's more comical than anything. 


Happy Weekend everyone :)

It Sucks, But I Understand

Forget Mistakes. Forget Failure. Forget Everything. Expect what you're going to do and do it!


I had another of those moments the other day. You know, the ones where you have an entire scenario plotted out in your mind. To you, it's already happened. Everyone else involved can't understand why you have your head in the clouds. A girl's gotta dream you know. Although I  could have saved myself quite a bit of misery if I wouldn't have put so much hope into this particular one. 


I know I've said this before, but as with the last two, Friday was my "last" doctor appointment for my foot and my "last" x-ray. I've been walking everywhere, I've even awkwardly 'run' across rooms. I've biked upwards of 40 miles. No pain, my foot's not broken. 


Before I even got to the appointment I had my day plotted out. I had gotten in some time on the indoor trainer that morning. I went to class and legitimately changed into running clothes. I wasn't expecting a miracle you know. I just thought that I would get cleared and would go...you know...for a really, really, short run around the block or something. 


Here's what I wasn't expecting: two more months of not running. I'm healed and I'm ready to run now. I absolutely don't need two more months of swimming and biking. I love them both but enough is really quite enough. My doctor said that if I break it again, I'll for sure have to get screws in my foot, which I really don't want. 


I don't particularly want to be any more patient. Yesterday, while watching my team's track meet it took everything I had not to go running. I was so very tempted to go running yesterday. Not only because I had to watch everyone else run, but the campus surrounding the University of Wisconsin-Steven's Point is gorgeous. They have the best trails around their campus of anywhere that I've run. Plus the running community up there is huge. 


But I digress. After the initial shock when I didn't get to go on my run around the block, I thought a little more about what had happened and I realized that there are quite a few bright sides to this. 


For example, I spent countless hours trying to decide if I should or should not trash my track season this year, without thought of racing whatsoever. I went back and forth with the pros and cons that didn't help my decision making process whatsoever. But now, it seems as though the decision has been made for me. Considering the fact that I can't run at all until April means that the initial "build up" puts me running "normally" about mid-May (if we assume that it'll take me a month to be able to run without having to worry about breaking my foot again). Track season ends right around the beginning of May. Decision made. I don't have to figure out if my hip will break due to osteopenia if I race. I don't have to be afraid of racing poorly. I don't have to make the decision. Because, if left up to me, I know which one I'd make. And I would have raced. This is most likely why this decision has been made for me...so that I didn't mess anything up by making the wrong one. 


Plus this is giving me a lot of time (more than I expected) to now work on my cycling. I've got the swimming down pat. Now, it's time to work on my cadence. I don't have to be nervous about getting in shape to race a stellar 5k by May. I get to be excited to sign up for a century ride this summer. 


So in conclusion, yes this was hard to hear. I sat in my car after leaving the doctor's office and cried and cried about not getting to run. I sobbed to my steering wheel until there was nothing left to possibly cry over. I cried for how much I miss running, and for osteopenia, and for how much I miss running with my teammates. I cried for the disappointment that I don't want anyone to have in me and for my last season to compete competitively on the collegiate level which I don't get to enjoy. 


It's tough yes. It's sad, yes. But I understand. I understand that there's more to this than just a running injury. I understand that it was inevitable that I would get hurt. And I understand that this is happening because there are far, far more important things in life which I now have time to focus on. 

Random Fact Friday!

I think and think, I‘ve thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it. ~Jonathan Foer

1. I can't play board games or anything else like that because I get too competitive and therefore, too cranky when I loose. 

2. My favorite professional runners are Ryan Hall and Desiree Davila.  

3. When I get upset I go shopping. I don't usually buy anything unless it's really cheap, but there's something soothing about wandering around a mall or Target. 

4.  It bothers me when people sit on a treadmill/elliptical/indoor bike and read. I mean, are you really trying to get a workout in? 

5. I hate when people are late. It's my #2 pet peeve. Right behind smoking. 

 

6. I used to be really hard core about biking in the cold. Now that I discovered the beauty of the indoor trainer it's more like "Um...under 70 degrees? No thanks"

7.  Sometimes I go back and read my older posts to make sure I didn't miss any typos. If I did, I always fix it. 


8. My 15 week doctor appointment and (hopefully) my last x-ray are both today. 


9. Despite the above I have little to no desire to start running right now. 


10. I am so in love with compression socks


11. Following a nutritional plan is not half as pleasant as I expected it to be. 


12. For one of my classes I'm giving a presentation on how to properly use Shakespearean insults in every day life. 


13. I check the 10-day  weather forecast at least every other day. 


14. This week I somehow got nominated to be featured on a bulletin board at my school. 


15.  When I was younger I had two guinea pigs which I "accidentally" left together in the same cage. I did this on purpose, hoping they would have babies. They did. For awhile we had a grand total of 10 guinea pigs running around. 


16. My favorite Disney movie is Mulan. 


17. I'm an extremely self-conscious person.


18. If I ever become really rich I have a pre-formed very specific list of charities that I'm going to send all of my money to. I don't really want to keep any of it. 


19.  My ipod has different playlists for different workouts there's : Speed Workout, Pool Workouts, and Spin


20. I strongly believe that when toilet paper is on a dispenser it should unroll from the top and not the bottom. No matter where I am, if someone has done this improperly, I change it. 


Have a good (and hopefully warm) weekend!

Nutritional Facts

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly..."


Today was my first appointment with my nutritionist. I thought I would love it. I thought it would be fun. It was none of the above. What it was, was scary and stressful. 


Don't get me wrong, Nicole, my nutritionist, is probably the nicest person ever. It's just that having someone evaluate everything you've eaten (or haven't) is kind of difficult. A long, deep conversation; very, very detailed food plan; and 50 dollars in groceries later here are some of the things that I walked away with: 


-Flaxmeal (made from flax seeds). Anyone heard of this? I am supposed to start adding it to at the very least yogurt in the morning. It has some serious fiber and omega-3's in it which I apparently need. I tasted some, and it's not good by itself. I'm definitely going to have to mix it with yogurt. 


-Every meal should include: protein source, carbohydrate source, and veggies/fruit. I tended to center my food choices around one thing (i.e. only one nutrient source such as just yogurt or just salad) Nutritionally, it's best to include both. 


-It's also important to spread you protein etc out through out the day.


-Osteopenia is a serious deal. More serious than I was taking it. I assumed that if I stopped running so hard core and threw in some almond milk once a day or so that it would just go away. This is....sadly not true. Nicole told me that if I don't start taking this more seriously I'm going to develop osteoporosis before I turn 30. I need to start taking better care of my bones right now.


Finally, 
I need to get my act together. This is now or never. Either I'm going to get this figured out now, blow by it, and begin my career in triathlons or  this is something that's going to haunt me for the rest of my life. I don't know about you but having porous bones by the time I'm 30 is not exactly appealing. 


I'm a little afraid, as I suppose anybody would be going into this sort of a situation. I'm also prepared to  give it everything I've got. I've never walked during a race. I've never given up on a class. I've never stopped a workout. I've never taken "almost" good enough. Just because for some reason, this seems a bit harder, I don't know why I would take "almost" good enough for a part of my life that could potentially have the biggest impact on it.  There's a lot of consequences that even I didn't see coming. I mean really? As if breaking my foot wasn't enough! The last thing I need is for something else to break by the time I start running again. 


It puts things a bit in perspective. Three months ago all I wanted, was to run as soon as possible, no matter what. The most important thing in my life was running. Now the most important thing is taking my calcium supplements every morning. 

Outside, and Looking In

The flower that blooms in adversity is the most beautiful of all. -Disney's Mulan

So, I watched an entire track meet yesterday. Not running, as I've said before isn't really all that bad because I can replace it with unfortunately intense spinning and swimming workouts. By the time practice starts, I already feel so accomplished that watching my teammates go out on a 45 minute run, doesn't really phase me because of the 90 minutes of biking/swimming that I just did. But at a track meet it's different. I usually don't have time to work out on those days because indoor track meets are so long. And there I'm slapped in the face with watching all of this success that I can't have anymore. I can't help but to put my times into all of the races and try to figure out how I would have finished. And I can't help but to be both jealous and sad. 

I am trying, however to make sure that I don't show that. I'm also pretty sure that being jealous and sad when watching my teammates compete is not really the kind of emotion that I should be having. So, I just make sure to cheer extra loud for them and give them all hugs when they're done. Don't get me wrong, I am so very proud of them and on a Saturday morning, besides going on a run myself, there is nothing in the world I would rather be doing than cheering for my teammates. It's just a strange feeling to be so happy and yet so sad at the same time. I was the only distance junkie out of all of the girls on my team. Luckily watching someone run an 800 or even a mile doesn't really make me to terribly upset. And also because none of the girls on my team are running the longer events, I have a good excuse to slip away when the 5k or 3k starts. Watching those races, for me is like watching a really bad movie. You don't really want to be watching it, and you'll ask yourself why you did later,  but at the same time it captures your attention and your eyes are glued to it. 

Not racing has, given me a different way of looking at a race.  It changes your perspective when you have to be on the outside looking in on things. When I raced, I used to get nervous. And I mean really, really, nervous. Not just the whole "butterflies" thing but sick-to-my-stomach-puking 20-minutes-before-the-race "nerves". I got over that after high school when I got to college. I took the pressure off of myself to win every race, to care about running. By the time I started getting good again, I was over the extreme nerves. I decided that if I wanted to be a really good runner, I also had  to act the part. Which meant being calm, cool, collected and absolutely NOT nervous (in front of my teammates). I got over it by covering it with rituals. A turkey sub the night before. A tortilla with  peanut butter and a banana the morning of, followed by a berry vitamin water. A chocolate outrage GU 15 minutes before. And finally a lucky sportsbra. 


Watching people go through these nerves, while not having to go through them myself is fascinating. Do you really think that listening to blaring music will silence your fears of the competition? Do you think that wearing the same t-shirt that you wore right before your last P.R. will alter the course of your race? And do you really think deviating from your routine has the ability to ruin your race? No, of course it doesn't. Three hours before a race, there's nothing you can do to make yourself run faster. That has to come three weeks before a race. If  you ask me, that's when the nerves should logically come too. 


I realized that eating a chocolate GU 15 minutes before your race isn't as important as believing in yourself 15 minutes before a race.  A lucky sportsbra isn't going to make or break your performance. Winning a race isn't about  luck, it's about finding success after suffering many previous defeats. On race day, you shouldn't feel scared. You should feel lucky. Lucky to be there that is. 


I think watching, as opposed to running races for the first time in my life has really changed my perspective on racing. Each race, is just an opportunity to celebrate running. Like freeing yourself from your otherwise strict training regiment. Race day, should be anything but stressful really. It's just a celebrating of the thousands of horrible miles that you put in by running a few really really  fast and awesome ones. 

Random Fact Friday

Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds. ~Buddha


1. I'm going to California in a week and 3 days!!!

2. I'm obsessed with blue Poweraide Zero. Obsessed. Like I must have one after every intense workout. 

3. I got an e-reader for Christmas from my parents. I thought I would hate reading books on it. It is the opposite. I now hate reading regular books because it's so much less convenient.

4. This week I actually "went out" for the first time since turning 21 last April. I couldn't ever really go out because I always had a 12 mile run the next morning or something like that. My first drink of choice: Original mojito.  

5. I think having fake plants is pointless. Just go out and buy a real ficus tree!

6. I emailed everything I ate Sunday-Thursday to my nutritionist last night. I'm really nervous to go see her. 

7. I had to buy special lotion, because my skin got really really itchy after swimming too much last week. 

8. I miss coffee a lot less than I thought I would. It's been adequately replaced with chai tea. 

9. I'm planning on getting a tattoo this spring. 

10. Family dinners were mandatory at my house while I was growing up. I can't remember a night where we didn't have dinner at the table as a family. 

11. My leg hair is blonde. I rarely shave. 

12. I applied for a summer job at a bicycle shop the other day. 

13. I really want an indoor bike for my birthday. 

14.  My roommate and spend hours laughing at nonsense youtube videos when we aren't doing homework. 

15.  I really, really, hate the smell of fried food. 

Have a great weekend