Just Keep Swimming

Perseverance. noun

1. steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.

So for a girl who runs 10 miles for fun you'd think that this perseverance thing would be old news for me. You always hear quotes about running with perseverance, or the perseverance of a long distance runner. I admit it-I thought I knew what it meant too. But what I learned is that until recently I didn't even have a grasp of what it truly means to persevere.

Running is something that I love to do. Something I enjoy. So in a sense it's not about persevering. Why? Look at the definition above. There's no obstacles. There's no discouragement. There's just a girl and her love of running.

So rewind three months. In November, three days after NCAA National Cross Country championships I was out on a run when my Iliotibial band stopped working completely. This is not an exaggeration. All of a sudden I rounded a corner and felt a stabbing pain, and I knew that the last mile home would be a walk.
Perseverance.

After that I was banned to pool workouts. Swimming laps? Me? No thanks. At first I could only swim for 20 minutes at a time. It was so boring with no music, no other people. Just you and that black stripe that runs down each lane. Slowly....slowly but surely I got the hang of it. All of a sudden I found myself able to swim 40 minutes at a time. I learned that there's rhythm to swimming, and a peacefulness that comes with the silence. One sunny morning over Christmas break I was swimming at my local high school's pool. I saw a sign hanging up that read "Iron man Challenge: 88 laps= 2.4 miles". An obsession took hold and I found myself in that water, unwilling to get out until all 88 laps had been completed. An hour and a half later I dragged my poor body out of the pool feeling just as exhilarated as any 10 mile run.

Perseverance.

True perseverance is not found when you do something you love. You don't need it when things are easy, you don't need it in times of happiness. It comes into play when you, like me, find yourself looking at an impossible task to overcome: may it be sickness, may it relationship problems, may it be an internal struggle with yourself, may it be having 87 laps left in a pool workout. We all have our mountains to climb. One of mine was teaching myself to just keep swimming. Not just in the pool, but in life as well.

Perseverance.

Life is not easy and it's never going to be. However, it's a matter of learning to keep going, keep swimming, keep persevering. Because as long as we keep going, it will eventually come to pass. If you just keep pushing through, soon enough you'll be able to look back and see what you have accomplished, what you have conquered. Sickness will heal, broken hearts will mend, you'll get to start running again.

Perseverance.

The Presence of Fear

"We have nothing to fear but fear itself" - FDR

Quick history lesson for those that don't already know: President Roosevelt said this during his inaugural speech. It told Americans that no matter how dark of a time we go through as a country, we will in essence survive. That's my quick interpretation here's what he said...http://historymatters.gmu.edu/d/5057/

So anyways this phrase has been  going through my head a lot these past couple of days. As I've explained in my bio a large part of my life is devoted to long distance running. That means that the part that's not is usually devoted to rehabbing the injuries that I derive from said distance running.

These past few months I've been slowly but surely nursing my Illiotibial band back to health. Originally I hurt it all the way back in November during NCAA regionals--and then the following weekend I ran on it during NCAA national cross country championships.

But that's a different story for a different post. The here and now is about indoor track. I have a huge conference meet tomorrow and I've been nervous for....days. No joke. Its just that all winter the only thing I could do was swim and so I'm not exactly where I was (physically, mentally) during Nationals. It's more than a little frustrating.

My coach said something to me yesterday that really helped things click a little bit. He said he'd been thinking a lot about this and figured out what my problem is. It wasn't as I had been thinking these past few weeks a lack of self-confidence. What he made me realize is that it's a fear of failure. I fear that somehow my legs which I do still have full confidence in, will somehow fail me in a race.

So I've been thinking a lot about the definition of fear, the meaning of failure. What I've been terrified of these past few days is nothing more than my own expectations of myself, my own pressures. There's a fine line between lacking confidence and fearing failure. So what does it mean to fear fear as FDR so cryptically pointed out?

For me it means that most likely our deepest fear is that somehow our insecurities, our inadequacies, our failures ,will catch up with us and that we will disappoint not only ourselves but the people around us. But what it also means is that fear is what we make it to be. It's not that I don't believe I can run like I used to. In fact, I know that I can. I know that when my heart, and my mind, and my legs all get together once again it will be nothing short of an unstoppable force. The only thing blocking that is my intense fear that I will come up short.

It's something incredibly personal-spiritual even- for me that I'm slowly but surely making sense of. Re-evaluating my worth as a person and not just a runner, re-defining why exactly I love to run and why it means more than just winning races and getting medals.

In the end I think its about learning to run faster than your fears.  If you learn to overcome your fears there is nothing standing in the way and you're free to chase your dreams down that  homestretch.

The Very Greatest Gift

So I told you that only dramatic things happen to me. When things happen in my life they don't just happen. They come in with a bang and go out in a boom. I had hoped that something would happen so that I could put it here to give you and example....so that I would have something current for my first illustration of Silver Linings.

Be careful what you ask for. But this is one may be the most applicable yet. In fact I'm glad I get to start with this because what it shows is the greatest Silver Lining of all: Life.

This past Sunday it snowed here in Wisconsin. Not the pretty, light, fluffy stuff from Christmas movies but the cold, wet, half ice-half snow that we get here in February. Let me apply a disclaimer: I AM a good driver. In fact it seems like I'm even better than I thought. On this particular Sunday my unfortuantly strong streak of independance convinced me that I would properly be able to drive in these disgusting conditions. So I was on my way up to my boyfriend's house, on the phone with my mom, talking about something completely pointless I'm sure. All of a sudden I completely lost control of my car. My car's rear spun to the left and my nose hurdled towards the median of the 6-lane highway. I grabbed my wheel and over-corrected. Instead however, of halting to a stop the snow and ice made it impossible. My tail this time went to the left and I suddenly found myself driving the wrong way across three lanes of packed traffic. It was then that I thought the giant, black, SUV would be the last thing I ever saw.

Don't ask me how the next part happened. Or how I'm here. I saw the SUV and then I looked up and the next thing I knew I was on the shoulder. Not just the shoulder of the highway but the shoulder of an off-ramp. Perfectly safe and out of the way of traffic. I don't know how I got there. Nor will I claim to have the skills of a NASCAR and tell you I got there on my own . I also do not know how the SUV did not hit me.

So I got out of my car and there was: NO DAMAGE. I continued driving for about 10 minutes before I puttered to a stop on the side of the highway again. I got out a second time to look at my car and saw what had caused all of my problems. I hadn't lost control. I hadn't hit the median. What had happened is that my tire blew. Thats why I slid. That's how I lost control.

So there I sat on the side of the I-43 North. Alone. In a snowstorm.
Maybe sometimes that's what it takes. Because that is when I was able to calm myself down and see the lining. There were several small ones: There was no big, expensive damage done to my car. I am NOT a bad driver. All things considered: I'm quite a good driver. I got to spend some extra time with my boyfriend after he came and rescued me from the side of the highway. I didn't have a scrath on me.

Oh...and it could have been worse. I could have hit the median. I could have gotten bulldozed by the phantom SUV. I could have been hit. or killed. That's when I really stepped back and looked at it.

No matter how bad or dismal the situation. No matter what has happened to you, or the direness of the your problems, take some time first to look at the little positives in the situation. But take a step back and open your eyes a little wider. You, if nothing else have your life. This life is at the very least, the very greatest gift you ever have or ever will recieve. It can also be taken away at a moments notice. So for that be greatful for each and every day that you have during your time here and never forget that life itself is the ultimate blessing.

Isn't it nice to know?

OK......
I'm new to this so I'm going to start out with a nice and easy introduction. My name is Katie. I'm a student by definition, a runner by nature, and a Christian by choice.

As a person I've done quite a bit of growing up in the past few months of my life. I've grown as a student...but that's not really the exciting part. I've grown as a runner -thats the NCAA national cross country part...and as a Christian-that's the spiritual part. As a person I've found myself growing stronger and stronger...but there were a lot of hard lessons I learned along the way.

The current theme song of my life (ok one of them) is "The Lining is Silver" by Relient K.(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMEPrXGW6v4) This is my first posting so I wont go into the gory details of what I've been through in the past few months of my life....but I'd rather focus on the important lessons that I got out of those things.

The main lesson that I learned is: Yup you guessed it: The lining is silver. My life is dramatic. I don't get very many grey areas like most normal people do. I don't have boring problems. What I have is really really really bad things only. And these really really really bad things are generally followed within a week or two by really really good things. According to Newton for every action there will be an equal and opposite reaction. And so is the balance of my life.

This blog is about my life as a runner. My life as a student. My life as a Christian. And how to find your very own silver linings in everything. But above all else it is about taking the blessing of the good with the curse of the bad and realizing that no matter how dark your cloud that you can always know that the lining is silver.