The Moon

"Go ahead. Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll be among the stars" 


Disclaimer: I do not usually share my goals with anyone. I know all athletes have to make goals so here is my best attempt. I don't like making goals because I'm a sissy and I'm really afraid of failure  I want so badly to succeed. And I guess if you make goals...and put yourself out there, then everyone will know if you failed and  they will then hate you forever and think you're a loser  I'm afraid to disappoint my family, my friends, my coach, myself.

Alright, alright, I'm a huge baby when it comes to setting goals for myself. Yes, I have them in my head. I  might be thinking them, but I don't like to talk about it. When I'm extremely focused on something I like to shut myself away from the entire world.

However, with only 4 (gasp!) days to go here are my "goals" related to regionals. 


Here's the thing.  Four weeks ago I didn't even think I'd make it through the season. I had prepared myself to have to choose between running conference and regionals. I told myself that maybe I'd train for a century ride instead of go out for track. Maybe I wouldn't run for a year to let my body heal. 


And look at me now. I've already accomplished so much more than I thought that I could. I'm about to make it through the season (relatively) healthy. And here I am throwing around the word "nationals" and "PR" and the like just as though nothing ever happened.

As far as goals go I've already accomplished a lot. While I didn't PR at conference I did drop a minute and 30 seconds from what I had been running all season. I never thought I'd be able to defend my conference title this year after the races that I had been running. But I did. What I took out of conference, however, wasn't just first place, or the plaque that I got to take home. What I got was my confidence back. That's really why I am where I am right now.

I'm excited to be running regionals on legs that I never thought would be the same. I'm excited to be running regionals with goals in place. As scary as it is, it's better have high goals then to not have goals at all. I'm excited that I've come so very far in such a short amount of time, and excited at the possibilities stretching before me. Most of all though, for everything I'm just so very thankful.

Will I be disappointed if I don't reach all of my goals? Yes. I will be. Wouldn't you? However, at the same time I'm not going to be crushed because of how much I've already accomplished this season, how far I've already come.

That said I'd sill like to run a strong race. Now for me that entails both physically and mentally  a strong race. There is from here on out no more giving up. As I said last week there will be no more negative talk, no more negative thoughts. No more talking about being injured or out of shape or anything else related to reasons why I may not succeed. For me, my mental strength is key and that's a lot of what went missing earlier this season. I'd like to tuck myself right into the middle of that lead pack and hang on with everything I have. From there I'll let my legs take me where they will, and I'll trust them to carry me through the remainder of the race.

Always set your goals as high as you'd like. When you don't you it doesn't make it better if you don't reach them. It doesn't make you feel better about yourself. If you don't have goals you can't get anywhere. If you don't dare to dream you're only holding yourself back.

Believe that you can. No matter what that unattainable goal is, don't just give up on it because you're afraid you won't get there someday. It's not the outcome that matters in the end, it's the fact that you tried to get there. Go ahead and shoot for the moon, for that P.R., for the top 50 finishers, for that last minute that you need to drop, for whatever it is for you. Even if you don't get there, the journey itself will have been worth your while.

Two More Weeks. One More Minute

"If you’re going to doubt something, doubt your own limits." ~Don Ward

First things first. For your viewing and giggling pleasure: 

http://www.youtube.com/user/wlcsports 

Please excuse my blushing and eye rolling. The questions they asked in this interview were....well surprising. Like I'm really going to tell the entire world wide web my personal feelings about nervousness and how excited I really was about overcoming GIANT HORRIBLE adversity....Oh...wait...I guess I do that on here every day. Still, it's different when you're on camera. I swear!

So now that conference is over it's time to focus myself on what's next. It's tricky to find that balance between chasing a dream and still being realistic. 

Here are the facts. 

1. Between my last race and the conference race on Saturday I dropped 1 minute and 30 seconds off of my time.

2.  Last year at regionals I ran about 1 minute and 30 seconds faster than I did Saturday. 

3. That equals a 3 minute drop total. 

4. That's a heck of a lot of time in cross country

5.  A 1 minute and 30 second drop would potentially get me into Nationals. 

So what is the line then, where I should be realistic and where I should stop with my dreaming? I never thought I would come THIS far in the first place. Should I just be content with what I've already accomplished or should I keep going and hope for another miracle?  Is two miracles too much to ask for from my legs?

Part of me wants to think that if I build up enough confidence, if I go into Regionals fully confident, if only I believe in myself enough that it'll happen. That maybe my legs will remember what it's like to go that speed and be able to drop time just like I did at conference. Is it too much to ask? Or is it that I simply need to keep believing in myself and let it fall how it will. 

It's been said that the human spirit is indomitable {Roger Bannister-first man to break the 4:00 mark for the mile). But from a technical perspective I also know how difficult it is to cut off that kind of a chunk of time in just 2 weeks. And so goes the argument around and around my head. 

There is only one answer that I know. I can't not go for it. That would be, as stated in my post last week a waste of the most beautiful, wonderful gift and talent that I have.But it would be nice to know what my chances for success  are. Just saying...

This much I know: when I finish Regionals my entire heart and soul will be left out there on the course. 

Of Winning Conference and the Search for Confidence.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous..." -Joshua 1:9


So I got to the end and burst into tears. But this time not the "I ran so bad my legs hurt so much" tears as I've become accustomed to these past few weeks but the "I'm so thankful" kind of tears. ... maybe I should start at the beginning.

I guess it starts with last two weeks. I did everything. EVERYTHING to get back that confidence that I've been missing. I searched every single workout, every trail I ran on, every running dream that I had. But finally I came to a realization. Maybe these past few weeks I had been looking in all the wrong places.

This past Saturday was the conference race for my cross country team. Aside from Regionals it's the most important meet of the season. To much of my team it IS the most important meet of the season. I wrote down all of my positive affirmations in preparation. Read them over and over and over again. And got ready to run for real.

My coach's only instructions to me were "Just go out there and run your own race. And please don't run a 2:30 for your first 800" (it was a 2:57!) before he walked away.

At UW Parkside's Wayne E. Dannehl nationally known cross country course they don't shoot a gun. They fire a cannon at the beginning of the race. And with that we were off and running.

Finally, finally somehow I found my stride. I found my confidence. After the first 800 meters I was all alone. I spent the entire race chasing down the gator that served as our pace car. 

The trails at UW-Parkside are absolutely gorgeous this time of year so I was actually quite distracted for the first couple miles.I went through the mile slightly above 6 minute pace and the 2 mile at about the same. I didn't hit my first mental block until mile 3. I threw in a surge to pick up my stride a little bit. Unfortunately right after that surge I turned a corner and staring me right in the face was a steep hill of solid mud. 

My mantra changed from "Confidence, confidence, confidence" to "Believe, believe, believe". I made it to the top of that hill, and from there the last 800 meters was all downhill and finally to the finish. Almost a minute and a half faster than I ran my previous race in. 

I got to the end and hugged my dad and burst into tears. Because I was so thankful to have found my stride again. Somehow in those four miles I found what I had been looking for all these weeks. Or maybe, I had it all along and I just remembered where to look.