Sunrise on the Mississippi

Back in the mid 1900's people flocked to Memphis, Tennessee in search of something. For some it was equal rights, equal opportunity. For some it was the music. For still others it was jobs that were found along the mighty, muddy, Mississippi River. But what it all boiled down to in the end is that they were all in search of their own American Dream and Memphis seemed to be the place to find it.
Today Memphis is as gorgeous as ever, still with the best music, and some of the nicest people in the world. And for me it was about the opportunity to pursue some of my dreams. The kind that involve running of course.

The thing about dreams, and goals is that they aren't for sure. There's no guarantee that just because you WANT to accomplish something that it's going to happen. I think that's why today we are afraid to pursue their dreams-and they never go further than just that : a dream. People back in the 1900's weren't afraid to throw their dreams out there-they gave up everything just to search for themselves in Memphis. So what has changed that makes us so hesitant to dream?

I got to thinking about this question on Sunday morning as I was running. It all started because on Saturday at the meet I ran my fastest ever mile, faster than I believed I could run. So I'm pondering this on Sunday morning as I'm running in the gorgeous Memphis weather. On one side of me is the Mississippi river. On the other side of me the sun is rising and being reflected on the Mississippi. So during the course of the sunrise I completed my 10 mile run, took in the scenes of Memphis one last time, and legitimately asked myself how fast I was willing to run to chase a dream.

Dreams involve risks. And to take a risk is to risk failing. If you tell someone your dreams and you don't accomplish them it means risking ridicule. If you fail it means that either you have to give up on that dream or you have to pick yourself back up again and start all over. So it's safer to not take those risks, not chase those dreams, to just take the safe road and not have to stare failure straight in the face.

Here's the catch. Taking the easy way out sounds safe, sounds appealing. If you don't put your dreams out there you don't have to worry about not accomplishing them. Why? Because there is nothing to accomplish in the first place. It's easy and secure and clandestine. But at the same time, without them, we are left without purpose, without drive, without direction. It may seem the logical route at the time, but in the end we are more lost than we were at the beginning.

Anything worth doing always comes with a risk, anything worth achieving  always comes with that voice of doubt in the back of your mind that whispers "What if I fail?" But it is these risks that must be taken in order to get to those dreams. Without risk we cannot do anything, we can gain nothing, we are nothing. And our dreams? We might as well not dream at all. If there is no risk, there is no dream.

Though taking these risks is never easy, never safe, in the end they are the only way to find our dreams. It is through adversity that we are able to push past failure and doubt and make our dreams a reality.

                       "But, risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing. He may avoid suffering  and sorrow, but cannot learn, feel, change, grow, or love...Only a person who takes risks can be free."

Confidence. Believe. Smile.

These three words have been my drive for the past several months of my life. Maybe you don't find them quite as meaningful or empowering as I do but let me explain what it means.

This is the phrase that my coach and I came up with mid-way through the 2010 cross country season. I was at a point where I was fast but I didn't really know what it meant. I still got to the starting line of every race and doubted both myself and my ability. So one day mid-October he came up to me before a race and told me that I only had to concentrate on 3 things the entire time. C.B.S.

C=Confidence.confident in all the effort you have put into the season, confident in your God given ability, confidence, confidence, confidence…"



  B=Believe    Believe in your talent, ability, and that you belong there"

  S=Smile      …  take joy in the experience, soak it up with a smile, a deep breath & a smile does so much to relieve stress / anxiety"


It resonated within me all season. It was my driving force. It carried me all the way to Nationals. But then I pulled my IT band. I stopped running. My confidence crumbled, my belief died, and my smile faded.

So fast forward to last Friday. There I am at a last chance meet. Most athletes run last chance meets as a last chance to qualify for Nationals. Normally it would have been for me too. But this time the circumstances were slightly different, and the stakes quite a bit higher. It was my last chance to prove to myself that there was still something inside of me that was ready to run-something to hold on to, something to believe in.

Is "Don't Stop Belivin'" by Journey playing in your head yet? As I looked at the official holding up the starting gun my brain tried one last time to keep on believin' in myself. Deep breath in.

I went out easy. Let some other girl take the lead, do the work for me. The magic part happened when my legs didn't tire. They didn't quit and for the first time since cross country nationals I started to believe again.

I kept my eyes locked on the girl in front of me. I knew she was getting tired. What's more is that I knew I wasn't getting tired. I found myself repeating "Yes I can, Yes I can" I passed her with 300 short meters to go and I never looked back. I won the race by 5 seconds.

Afterwards I went on my cool down run outside. It was raining out and the college that had held the meet was right on the edge of Lake Michigan. So there I was running, in the rain, looking out over Lake Michigan on the verge of tears because I realized that whatever it was that I had lost somewhere between Nationals and this Last Chance was finally on it's way back. Whatever it was that I was afraid, I had learned to overcome. But much more than either of those two things my heart had found my legs again and I was ready to start believing in myself once more.