Confidence. Believe. Smile.

These three words have been my drive for the past several months of my life. Maybe you don't find them quite as meaningful or empowering as I do but let me explain what it means.

This is the phrase that my coach and I came up with mid-way through the 2010 cross country season. I was at a point where I was fast but I didn't really know what it meant. I still got to the starting line of every race and doubted both myself and my ability. So one day mid-October he came up to me before a race and told me that I only had to concentrate on 3 things the entire time. C.B.S.

C=Confidence.confident in all the effort you have put into the season, confident in your God given ability, confidence, confidence, confidence…"



  B=Believe    Believe in your talent, ability, and that you belong there"

  S=Smile      …  take joy in the experience, soak it up with a smile, a deep breath & a smile does so much to relieve stress / anxiety"


It resonated within me all season. It was my driving force. It carried me all the way to Nationals. But then I pulled my IT band. I stopped running. My confidence crumbled, my belief died, and my smile faded.

So fast forward to last Friday. There I am at a last chance meet. Most athletes run last chance meets as a last chance to qualify for Nationals. Normally it would have been for me too. But this time the circumstances were slightly different, and the stakes quite a bit higher. It was my last chance to prove to myself that there was still something inside of me that was ready to run-something to hold on to, something to believe in.

Is "Don't Stop Belivin'" by Journey playing in your head yet? As I looked at the official holding up the starting gun my brain tried one last time to keep on believin' in myself. Deep breath in.

I went out easy. Let some other girl take the lead, do the work for me. The magic part happened when my legs didn't tire. They didn't quit and for the first time since cross country nationals I started to believe again.

I kept my eyes locked on the girl in front of me. I knew she was getting tired. What's more is that I knew I wasn't getting tired. I found myself repeating "Yes I can, Yes I can" I passed her with 300 short meters to go and I never looked back. I won the race by 5 seconds.

Afterwards I went on my cool down run outside. It was raining out and the college that had held the meet was right on the edge of Lake Michigan. So there I was running, in the rain, looking out over Lake Michigan on the verge of tears because I realized that whatever it was that I had lost somewhere between Nationals and this Last Chance was finally on it's way back. Whatever it was that I was afraid, I had learned to overcome. But much more than either of those two things my heart had found my legs again and I was ready to start believing in myself once more.