It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.~Confucius
My knee started hurting on Saturday again....and according to a physical therapist that I asked I shouldn't run for another 2 weeks or so for safety. All I wanted to do is run...but as always, I did too much, to fast and my legs couldn't take it.
I, the poster-child of looking at the sunny side and the glass being half full...I am finally out of answers. For me, all that's left are questions. I don't have any wisdom for this post or any sudden realizations about life.
What am I doing wrong that I can't get better? Why does the entire world seem to be working against me and running? I don't want a lot from life. I don't care about money, or fame, or big houses or fancy cars. All that I really want is to be happy and go running. And for some reason it's the one thing that I can not have.
All that's left for me now is not to give up entirely. I'd be lying if I told you that I think it's all going to be O.K. I realize two weeks doesn't seem that long, but every time I think I'm healed it's always "two more weeks" What I'd like to do is concentrate on biking and swimming for now and train for a triathalon (half-ironman distance)....But I still have a whole year of collegiate running. Meaning that injured or not I have no choice but to be ready to race come September.
Forgetting everything to train for a triathalon, simply because I'm afraid to come back after this injury clearly isn't the answer to these questions.
For now, my goals isn't to get back into running, or to get faster, or to train for the season..or for an ironman for that matter. My only goal, all that's left really, is to not give up on myself and my legs. I can't focus on running, or getting back to it, or getting fast again. All I can focus on is not giving up, because that's all I feel is left for me.
What's next is to wait for my legs to heal and what's left is to hope that my heart can follow them.
Advice from someone who has missed two seasons of track and half his senior year of cross country due to one injury after another:
ReplyDeleteLife is a bitch sometimes. When you set your mind to something, some goal or dream, and you envision yourself accomplishing it, you create for yourself a fantasy world that's beautiful and pure, and reality has this nasty habit of kicking those beautiful dreams to pieces. The sad truth is that, when Mr. Rogers and the Sesame Street gang told us that we could do anything if we tried hard enough...well, they lied. The truth is that there are some things-heck, a lot of things-that most of us will never be able to do no matter how much effort and determination we possess. Yes, sometimes giving up just seems like the right thing to do. I mean, if you've tried and tried and tried and all your attempts have failed, why continue wasting time and effort in pursuit of something you may not ever be able to accomplish? Sometimes giving up is perfectly rational.
The thing is, we human beings are not always rational creatures. And those of us who run miles a day for fun, the ones who go through withdrawal when we can't have our endorphin fix, we're downright insane. Is there any reason why running 5, 10, 15 miles a day might be called "rational?"
What I'm trying to talk about here is faith. You can do everything right in terms of treatment, training, diet, etc. and still get injured or fail to break that elusive PR. But no matter how many times you fail, no matter how long the pain and heartbreak continues, you never really KNOW whether or not you can do something. You can never, ever say with absolute certainty that something can't be done. And so, if that something is really that important to you, then you have to attempt it again. You HAVE to keep trying. Because there's always that chance it could work out. And I think we tend to underestimate that chance.
Do what you can because it's all you can, and just keep at it, no matter how ridiculous or hopeless it may seem, because sometimes doing what's rational or "realistic" just doesn't cut it. Sometimes you just need to throw ration out the window and rely on a little thing called faith.
Sometimes you just gotta believe.
2+ years ago I developed stress fractures in my heels and I was told not to run, I was a new runner and this seemed like the worst thing in the world. I had just started, I loved it. My joy felt like it was ending.
ReplyDeleteI then began talking to a cool crowd of people that taught me how to do things right and I started off again.
Last Saturday I wrecked my knee in a trail race. My life is so revolved around running these days that many people were telling me not to worry or stress about the fact I may not be running for weeks. However, my perspective on running and life has changed in the last couple of years.
What does not beat you makes you stronger. You can achieve anything if you believe. Everything that happens (even the bad) has a reason.
Things may look dark for you now, but there is a hidden reason for it - we just don't know what it is.
When I broke my heels 2 years ago I found wonderful friends from across the world. I discovered the beauty of barefoot running. I became quicker and better than I ever thought possible. I was able to take on new challenges and commitments that I would never have considered and succeeded.
Now I look at my broken knee and I don't see sadness I see possibilities. What can I do next? Swimming, cycling, tri's. I still love what I have been doing and I won't be giving up the fight, but now I am wiser that this setback will provide me with something more.
It's the same for you... you just need to look at life from a different perspective. Life didn't go wrong - It just turned out differently than you planned.
Lucas-
ReplyDeleteThanks so much. I didn't know that you had been injured that long. The last comment you made actually made me get a bit choked up. Of course you're right that I can't give up on running,I forget sometimes that it's not the PR's and the race finishes but the journey that gets us there
Katie-
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment. I hoping like you for a fresh start and a fresh perspective (I was actually in the midst of working on a post about barefoot running until this setback happened!)
Thanks for your perspective. I hope that I can begin to look at this as a world of possibilities instead of a setback.
Hopefully the new plan will just be all the better.