Making Confidence Out of Bull Crap

"All coaching is, is taking a player {runner} where he can't take himself. "
Bill McCartney 


We all need someone to call us on our crap every once in awhile. This is why I believe that even the best of athletes need a coach. Because coaches are able to see things from an outside perspective, provide a fresh outlook, and well....call you on your crap.

Over the years my coach and I  have had our differences. 99 times out of 100 he's right, but I argue anyways. I lose ,and admit I was wrong in the end. We've spent countless hours going over splits and races and arguing about running 9 miles vs 12 miles on a long run day. He stops me from running too much and pushes me when I don't want to run at all.

So this week was my week for my coach to point out some things that I needed to hear.  I am running perfectly fine. I'm in the same exact shape I was last year at this time. Actually I am running faster in practice than I was at this time last year. But what he said that struck me the most is that I do need to stop with the negative talk. I realize I'm worried about my knee and I realize that my legs aren't quite as spry as they were back in high school. But I really need to stop thinking about it in the midst of my races. The knee doesn't hurt anymore. I need to stop being afraid of my own failure and just...do it.  It was a wake up call of sorts. Kinda like "what the heck is going on?" It's funny how sometimes someone else can tell us things about ourselves that we aren't even close to figuring out.

As I've said countless times before winning and PR's and making other people happy  is not what running is about. It's not about 'run or die' or dealing with pain or what have you or getting through it just for the sake of getting through it.It's not about doing it because someone wants you to or because you have to.  It's about love, love, loving it.  To me running is about freedom and speed and a gift that was given to me.

By not using that gift, I'm wasting it. And that's crap.

My coach also quotes Van Halen and Rocky. And then goes on to shove some more confidence at me that I have lost over the past few weeks with all of my negative talk. Don't be cocky...but start believing in yourself dang it!


Thanks Coach....

Remember to thank your coaches for calling all of your crap in the past. It takes a lot for someone to take you where you never imagined you could go.

The Road Less Traveled

"Not all those who wander are lost." ~J.R.R. Tolkien

One last run on my hometown trails. Today I discovered why when a trail says "Do not enter: under construction" you shouldn't stubbornly insist on running on it. 

Home is Where... You Run Fast

"Close you eyes and tap your heels together three times. And think to yourself, there's no place like home." -The Wizard of Oz


Home!!!!! Finally, for the first time since early August, I slept in my own bed last night. I got to hang out with my dog. Most importantly I got to run on my own trails. Oh, Fort Atkinson, how I've missed you. It's so nice to be able to run and not worry about dodging angry Milwaukee drivers or breathing in the pollution or having nothing softer than concrete to run on. 

So this morning, I had a moderate workout....45 minutes total with 2x5 minutes at tempo and 5x 40 seconds fast. So I went out to Dorothy Carnes Park....(After drinking massive amounts of coffee with my mom of course)

The footing out there is a little iffy because the trails aren't really that well groomed...I stepped in a few holes which is difficult when you're trying to do a speed workout. But nevertheless it was worth it. 

Jealous? You should be. It's absolutely gorgeous here this time of year. I'm always so amazed when I'm running in such a beautiful place. 
Oh yeah...the workout itself? Was actually deceptively easy. I'm not 100% sure why it felt so good. Maybe I was just running slowly. Or maybe my legs are just starting to feel better....or maybe my confidence is inching it's way back. I eased myself into a quick warmup for the first 12 minutes or so stopped for a second and worked into my first 5 minute segment. Two minutes after that I did my second. At the 30 minute mark I started in on my 5x40 second pickups at race pace. All of this felt really good. In fact, I wasn't really all that tired afterwards. Finally, I pulled off my shoes and did some strides barefoot on the grass trails. 


Luckily due to my excellent fashion sense my legs weren't bothering me half as much as they have been the past few weeks.  Yay compression socks!!!

All in all it was a pretty good day. I've missed being home more than I thought. I miss waking up to the sweet almond-shaped eyes of a collie every morning. I miss Saturday mornings at small-town farmer's markets. I miss my own warm bed and being able to run on lonely country roads.

 Hopefully along with speed, I also found some confidence back home. There really is no place like home. 

Random Fact Friday

  

"We were meant to live an extraordinary life. Don't believe anything less. Never settle for ordinary


1. I've seriously been trying to kick my coffee habit. I'm down to only 1 or 2 cups a day sometimes. 


2. This weekend I'm going home to see my parents for the first time since summer. I miss them! I miss my bike more. 


3. I'm super super upset about how I'm going to catch up on all the blogging I haven't done in the past few weeks. 


4. Winter has arrived in Wisconsin. It's been cold for the past week. And rainy. And windy. 


5. After collegiate running I really want to train for a century ride.


6. I got my Halloween costume this weekend. Lady Gaga. Not because I really like her...but because I really just want to dress crazy. 


7. My favorite movie in the world is Legally Blonde. You'd understand if you'd seen it. 


8. Reading through my past blogs has been very therapeutic.


9. I'm blogging in order to procrastinate studying for my Spanish midterm. 

10. I've been doing yoga recently. I just mastered the feathered peacock posture >


11. I went to Chicago and watched the marathon in person this year. And saw Ryan Hall....eek!!!!


12. The next couple weeks of my life will be spent applying to PsyD. programs. Yay graduate school!


13. Yo tengo gana de bailar. {my new favorite Spanish phrase that I learned for midterms "I feel like dancing"--see Scissor Sisters)


14. I'm not brilliant but sometimes I get really conceited and think I don't have to study. Sometimes this is true. Mostly though comes back to bite me. 


15.  I'm going to post this at midnight. So yeah...it's technically Friday. Just really really early. 


16. I can't sleep. I have practice in 6 hours. Meaning I have to get up in 5 and a half. *sigh*


17. I have a passion for over-sized sunglasses. 


18. Last week at my job I had a lady come in a pretend she didn't speak English. I had to read to her for 4 hours. grrrrr


19. I have never owned a video game system. Nor do I want to. 


20.  Ever since discovering that spiders are more closely related to crabs than insects I'm not as scared of them anymore. 


Have a good weekend :)

Shut Up and Believe in Yourself!

"I'm still dreamin' still a believer"


     For my first blog back and all after such a long time, I suppose yesterday, was a bit depressing really. But can you blame me? You'd be depressed too! The hardest part I think, is that I'm running perfectly fine in practice. I mean, I'm still cruising through practices in 5:50-6:00 minute pace. For my long run the other week I did 11 miles in 1 hour and 15 minutes (a.k.a. 6:48ish). So if I can run 11 miles that fast why does it seem so impossible to run my races only a minute faster?

    So yeah. I am still injured. And my legs hurt all the time. I'll grant you that. But I'm tougher than that...aren't I??? (right?!?!?) alright.
    Number two. Did I overtrain? potentially. There's no reason on God's green earth that at the beginning of the season I needed to be doing 3 hard workouts a week plus a race. alright. alright I get that too.
   Reason number three. Confidence level: 0. The capability is there. It's the belief that I can not find. I fully realize this. I know it's a problem and I know I have to work on it. However the how is what I'm currently not sure of how to do. HOW  do I get my confidence back? Any suggestions?

     Never have I experienced anything more disheartening than to realize that I have the ability, but that my mind may be the thing blocking me
 SOLUTIONS: 
1.  Negative talk. Negative thoughts. NO MORE. Anything that includes "I'm injured. I'm old. My legs hurt. I'm slow." It all needs to stop. I can not move on until it stops.
2. I need to stop OBSESSING about the reasons why or why  not I'm not running fast in races. I need to stop worrying about not running fast. The more I worry the slower I run. I mean seriously--you try running with all of that stuff bogging your mind down. It's stressful. Of course I can't run with such a huge weight on my shoulders.
3.  Above all I love running. I love it more than anything in the entire world and I need to stop pretending that that isn't  true. I need to remember that I love it for what it is and why I fell in love with it in the first place.

Ready. Set. Go.

Long Time, No Blog

The horizon is out there somewhere, and you just keep chasing it, looking for it, and working for it" -Bob Dole


It's been far, far too long. I've forgotten how to blog I think! I apologize for the HUGE gap in blogging. Sadly, college has been sucking my time. It seems that there is always an endless amount of Spanish homework, of papers to write. It's rather unfortunate I think that all of my spare time has gone to things that more or less I do not actually enjoy. HOWEVER! As of today I am vowing to set aside at least ONE spare moment per week (hopefully more) for just myself to blog and such. I miss it. I miss ranting on the internet. And really, I  wonder how the virtual world has possibly gotten along without me (hah! kidding on that last one!)

So here are the updates, sad though they may be. My knee is still not better. Unfortunately. Now, I'm not running "badly" per se. I mean, I am still a competitive collegiate athlete. Buuuuut My knee is well...let's face it: still injured. How? I don't freaking know. I dedicate minimally an hour a day to stretching/icing etc. I own not one, not two, but three foamrollers. Who owns three foamrollers? If it's not my knee it's the surrounding muscles, my hips, my calves. My legs are exhausted.

But that's not really even the biggest issue facing me right now. The biggest issue is as always, confidence. Coming off of being injured for almost a year it's so hard for me to go out on a run and not fear hurting myself. It's so hard to think about whether or not my knee hurts every. single. step. It's like my brain is clogged with all this noise and I can't get past it to hear the rhythm of my own breath. What is it? A mental block I think, when combined with the pains in my legs really really inhibits things.

WHY? When I know what the problem is can't I push past it? It's so sad to be running so much slower than I used to. I'm just at a loss of what to do.

It's there. I can see it. I can almost touch it. But when will I be able to reach it?

" Be strong and courageous." -Joshua 1:9