Swimming Lessons

I've learned a lot about myself through swimming. This much is obvious. All that deep stuff about why I run and how swimming has taught me about persevering...yada yada yada. That you've read before.
Today, during my 88 laps (4 kilometers)  I realized that there's a lot that I learned about other people through swimming...not just myself.

There is swimming etiquette 
For example: if you walk into the pool and all of the lanes are full you're going to have to ask someone to share a lane with them. There are several tactical ways of doing this. Usually you awkwardly make eye contact with a stranger. The intital eye-contact between two strangers is always awkward. This awkwardness doubles when you both happen to be wearing goggles. It's much, much harder to catch someones eye when they have no peripheral vision.
 You then ask if you can split the lane with them. They will normally tell you to jump in. If they see you come in and even make eye contact, but keep swimming this means that no way do they want to share their lane with you. If you REALLY need to talk to them because every other lane is already doubled you put your hand down at the end of the lane which is, apparently a signal for them to surface. I had no idea that there were rules either but there are. And let me tell you, people are not as nice as you would expect! I always assumed that if you ask people would let you split their lane with them. This is not true. Also there is no talking during lap swimming. Don't try to be friendly. People usually aren't receptive.

We do not outgrow peeing in pools after the age of 5 
Here's the thing. When you are lap swimming you often have to pee. I get that. You're surrounded by water. You probably hydrated in anticipation of your pool workout. But please, just get out for 5 minutes and go use the actual toilet. I know you think that no one knows that you are peeing but here is some news: you're not sneaky. When a person stops swimming for no apparent reason (stretching, water, cramp) and stands in the shallow end for like 25 seconds and looks around awkwardly and then resumes swimming there is an all-to-obvious answer for what just transpired. Think about it. That water goes in my nose, my mouth, my ears. Chlorine is a chemical,yes, but it not a sterilizer. Please. Stop peeing in my pool.

Smaller speedos do not equal better swimmers
I do not know where this misconception came from. Swimmers, especially middle-aged men, seem to think that the smaller the suit they put on, the faster they swim. I am not a male so I do not know. Perhaps wearing something that embarrassing may motivate you to get your workout done faster so that less people see you. That is the only solid reasoning I can see for it.
There is nothing in the world that so burns in my memory as the day someone stood at the end of my lane to ask to share with me. As I looked up from the pool all I saw was a middle-aged, semi-overweight man in a speedo 7 times too small. My eyes have never recovered.
So what about small speedos makes people think they can swim better? My speedo is not too small, and I can swim 3 miles without stopping. In my opinion there is nothing in this world that qualifies you to wear something like that. When you win everything from the 400 free to the 100 butterfly in the 2012 Olympics come talk to me.
As a general rule of thumb one's speedo should always be larger than their swim cap.

Swimmers have no qualms about nakedness
I'm a fairly conservative person. I'll admit that right off the bat. Besides being conservative I'm also decently modest. This holds especially true amongst people that I don't know. First impressions mean everything right?  When I change I do it quickly. Wet swimming suits are sometimes hard to peel off. . But once it is off , dry clothes should be put back on as quickly as possible. Today, an older lady walked around the locker room for about 10 minutes while searching for her towel. Completely naked. As if my eyes hadn't already been burned out forever by speedo guy I'm now permanently scarred by naked lady. This is why we wear goggles and swim caps. If we ever meet in the real world we won't recognize one another and pass out from embarrassment.
I have even seen ladies sitting on chairs/benches completely naked. I never do this for obvious reasons. But it never ceases to amaze me that they will do this but refuse to walk around the locker room without flip flops on. After that they're really going to worry about germs on their feet?

Swimmers are a lot like runners
Now that I've picked on them I should also say that there is something about swimmers that I've really come to respect and admire. It takes a lot to jump into a cold pool of water every day. It's not like running, it's a full body workout and it takes quite some time to get used to. I've always tried to motivate people to run by saying that anyone can get out there and run a mile. Not everyone can swim. For that I have a deep respect for truly talented swimmers. Their endurance is incredible. What it boils down to is that they are a hard core bunch of athletes for a deep-seeded love for what they do. Sure they're a little quirky, but aren't we all?