Why Running? Why Me?

“For me it was always a simple passion" Lance Armstrong


Here I am again. Not running. *sigh*
It's a very very complicated situation to explain...but that's not what this post is about so I'll be brief. My right leg? Where I had IT band syndrome is still a little messed up. To tell you the truth that leg and I are fighting right now. I'm not even going to acknowledge it's existence until I get clearance from the doctor to run after my appointment on Tuesday. (after I hopefully get clearance that is-cross your fingers please!)

However, instead of wallowing in self-pity about not running I'm using this time to reflect on all of the reasons that I DO run. Sometimes, being a collegiate athlete includes a lot of pressure connected to running. There's something about the demand to perform week after week that drains me in a way that has nothing to do with my love of running but everything to do with my self-induced drive towards unattainable perfection. In short, knee pain aside, I needed a break anyways. As I found myself desperately praying for it to heal the other night (deja vu) I suddenly came to the realization that while this sucks, a little recovery might be the best for me right now. Physically, sure. My legs are tired. But mentally? Maybe running and I need a little time apart to remember why we love each other. Yes, this whole not running thing sucks. But I understand.

So in the silence found only in the bottom of a lap pool during a 65 minute swim here are some of the things that I've forgotten over the years.

1. Fate! I'm not good at other sports. I was too small for basketball, to short for volleyball, to much of a tomboy for ballet. My high school didn't have a soccer team. Clearly I was always meant to be a runner. Jokes aside...for some reason...I was always meant to be a runner.

2. Freedom.The tight circles we run around a track sometimes make me forget that running for me has always been about being free. There's something special about the knowledge that by my own power alone I can get 10 miles away from anything and no one can find me.

3. Meditation. I've worked through every problem I've ever had in life through running. When my first serious relationship fell apart I stopped and cried my eyes out at mile number 3. By the time I made it through my run I knew I would be able to make it through this too. When I fought with friends I ran. When I fought with my parents I ran. Three miles takes care of work stress. Five miles can take care of a bad grade. Seven miles takes care of relationship problems. Ten or more miles can solve almost everything else.

4. Drive. Running is a chance to become more than myself -to PR, to better my times,to become stronger, faster. Running pushes me to explore my boundaries and discover a lot about my inner strength, to chase down the impossible.

5. "And I think to myself what a wonderful world" I've never seen anything more beautiful than when I'm running. At mile 7 tiredness may set in, but that doesn't mean that when I turn a corner and find myself running into the sunrise that I don't notice, that I don't get shivers  running down my spine. I've never felt more alive than the days that I'm running and all of a sudden the sky opens and rain pours out of it. I may be mud-streaked and look like a wet rat when I get back but hey, I'm happy. I've actually stopped running at times (this is usually a huge no-no for me) because I get to the top of a hill and I look around and I can't get over what I'm seeing.

6. Thanks. Each person is given several different gifts over the course of their lifetime. Some people get the gift of a brain that can solve equations, some people get the gift of music,--the ability to understand a beautiful, wordless language, some get the get the gift of writing etc...you get the idea. Mine happens to be endurance running. I had a personal trainer back in high school who explained it this way: (I was nervous about a workout and cranky because I didn't want to do it.) He looked at me and said "Running is a gift that has been given to you. How many people get a gift that they get to use every day?  You should wake up every day and say to yourself 'Today is a good day, because today I get to use my gift'".  Point taken. I've been thankful for that gift ever since.

7. Release. I have always had and will always have too much energy for my own good. I don't know where it comes from, but without running I cannot sleep. I cannot sit still. I can not focus. I can barely have a normal conversation. If I am to function acceptably in everyday society I must continue to run.

8. Identity. For too long have I identified myself as a runner. I'm introduced to people as "oh...this is Katie...she's the runner." I've met a lot of the best people in my life through running. I've always been that crazy runner girl who runs more miles in a day for fun than many people run in a month. When people picture me I like the idea that they think of me with my ponytail flying, running on a cross country course.

9. Joy. Running should be fun. That's why people lose their love of running, because all of a sudden its not fun. Running should be exciting. It should make people driving past look at you and think you're crazy for doing what you're doing. I've run in shorts in 3 feet of snow. I've gone on adventure runs where I end up having to cross streams. I've come home with mud all the way from my ankles to my hair. I've gone exploring. Sometimes I put on 80's music on my ipod and dress from my headband to my socks in neon. For me, it is about having fun.

10. All thats left--is that I really love to run.