Strength

Found this today. Turns out Gandhi thought the same thing I did about struggles. (I said it here) Great minds think alike I guess.....Anyways, just a reminder that all the hard parts of life are just blessings in disguise.
Keep on keeping on :)

Random Fact Friday

"Be so happy that when others look at you they're happy too"


1. If I could choose another sport it would be gymnastics. 


2. I can't concentrate on my homework if my room's messy. 


3. Longest run in 5 and 1/2 months today. 10 minutes straight. 


4. I was pleasantly surprised at the taste of coconut coffee this week.


5.  I like to watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians when I elliptical. Whenever someone walks behind my elliptical I pretend that I like to watch Sports Center. 


5. The very first CD I owned was the original Good Charlotte one. 


6. Current obsession: vegan organic peanut butter. Roll your eyes if you must but it's SO much better for you. 


7. I don't drink enough water. 


8. The saddest thing about next year will be not having a cross country team around me all the time. 


9. Whenever I don't wear makeup at least one person always asks me if I just finished working out. Apparently I need a reason not to wear it.....? 


10. I've been having serious achilles issues this week. 


11. I could sit outside all night and stare at the sky. 


12. My personality is kind of compulsive.


13. The best smell in the world is a cross country course in the summer. 


14. I've become self-conscious about people watching me run. I pretend I can hear their thoughts about how slow I've become in such a short amount of time.


15. I get really excited when someone mails me anything.  


16.In a really crowded parking lot, on a really bad day I still use the handicapped parking sticker I got when I was on crutches. I always feel guilty afterwards. 


17. I can't fall asleep with the tv on, the radio on, the lights on. I need absolute quiet and dark. 


18. There are very few things that can make me cry. 


19. Sometimes I just get too excited about life to sleep. 


20. Surprisingly, I'm actually a good cook. I can make just about anything and it usually turns out well. 


Happy Friday everyone! Do something adventurous this weekend :)

Run Away

"How we appreciate something when it is taken away, oh how we

just want to run."

Five months ago if someone told me to go on a 12 minute run I wouldn't have even stepped out the door. I probably would have laughed. .....the irony. 

So today has been my longest run to date since the breaking of the foot. I got to run 4 sets of 3 minutes with 2 minute walks. If you're keeping up with the math that equals a 12 minute run. It wasn't you know....fast. or beautiful. or calming like it used to be. But it was O.K. What it felt like moreso, was that my lungs couldn't keep up with my legs. My legs were on some sort of crazy mission making up for lost time. I don't run often right now, and when I do it's not far. But those 3 minutes are crazy. My fear about my foot breaking starts at least an hour before I run, but it ends the second I start. I thought I would spend every second of all of my future runs agonizing about whether my foot is about to fall apart. But really, it's quite the opposite. Everything that I've felt in the last 5 months all of a sudden comes bursting out of the bottom of my running shoes. It's not fast. But it sure feels fast. 

What is it about frustration, about loss, about sadness, about loneliness, about unhappiness that makes us run faster? Makes us stronger, makes us better. I've noticed that the man (or woman) running away from something moves much faster than the one running towards something. You tell me, who runs faster the gazelle or the lion? There's something about carrying baggage, pain, suffering, sadness that makes us feel the need to run away. It also makes us run away quite quickly. 

As is true with many others, some of the saddest, worst, times of my life were when I experienced the greatest success. When I qualified for NCAA nationals in cross country, it wasn't because I was running towards nationals. It was because I used cross country to run away from my life. And I ran away fast. Adversity, it seems it the greatest companion to human achievement. But why? Why is it that our hardships, and not our achievements make us stronger? The human spirit grows from success but success is found only at the end of hardship. No one with an easy life has ever gone down in history as doing something great. You won't find any significant historical biography that says: "He/She had a really easy and wonderful life and then went on to conquer the world." Most life stories tell of hardship followed by defeat, followed by perseverance, followed by a struggle, followed by success. 

It seems to me that we thrive, not as people think on success and wealth, but we thrive in poverty, and in struggles, and in defeat. No one is inspired by those who are naturally talented or naturally wealthy. We're inspired by those who came from nothing and got knocked down again and again. We become who we are through hardship and not through success. 

I think this is why the best athletes are those who are coming back from something. The best leaders are the ones who came from nothing. The best role models are the ones that learned their lessons the hard way. We admire Nelson Mandela (look it up if you don't know) and not Nicole Richie for a reason people!

The bad news is that the world, at some point, is going to break you. The good news, however, is that it's the only way you're going to learn to get up.

So go ahead, be hurt, be disappointed, run away. It's going to make you fast. 

Running in the Rain

"Hope is never lost"


I woke up today at 5:30 A.M. and my first thought was "I get to run in the rain today." Can you imagine that I haven't felt what it feels like to run in the rain in over 5 months? What a memory to lose! But today...today I get to run in it.

Running, was never anything like I expected it to be. Not at first, not now.
I expected it, at first, to be tiring, and boring and something that I'd never really like. It turned into something that I didn't like. I loved.

When I ran for the fist time Wednesday it also was nothing like I thought it would be. I thought it would be scary and painful and hard. But really, running again, was not as difficult as I imagined.

As you may have guessed by now, I got cleared by my doctor to start running again. A little. And slowly.

As I stood at the top of a hill looking down willing myself to run there was no party, no cheering section. Just me and my broken foot, and some sort of courage.

But went after 5 minutes I did start making my way down that hill for the first time in 5 months. And it didn't hurt. And it wasn't really that awkward. I didn't limp. It wasn't terribly slow. When I pictured  for the past months what my first run  would be like, I pictured fearful and timid and pitiful and slow. In fact, it wasn't really that different at all. I wasn't confused. Just....slightly more out of breath than I used to be.

After all 8 minutes I looked around and felt for the first time so lucky to have gone through this whole ordeal and learning what I did and knowing what I still have yet to learn. And lucky that I get to feel what it's like to run in the rain again.

Oh....and since it's Friday, here's a few random facts for you:
1. I love cleaning my apartment

2. I get really aggravated by people who brown nose.

3. I like orchids and sunflowers

4.I like vintage things and could spend days on etsy.com

5. My parents never spanked me, never grounded me, never took away t.v. We've always gotten along really well.

6. Eating red meat makes me feel gross.

7.  I love cooking for other people.

8. Trail mix is my biggest weakness. Followed by peanut butter.

9.  I dance around my apartment a lot. I would say quite a bit more than the average person has random solo dance parties.

10. I never check my voicemail.

Happy weekend, happy running! (or whatever it is you do to make you happy)

Believe It

"Theres gonna be times in life when people tell

you that you can't, that's when you just gotta

turn around and say 'watch me'.”

A couple of things today. Today the wind is supposed to gust up to 40mph. Can you say dangerous??? So out of fear I'm going to have to elliptical. When I think of ellipticaling I think of old men in short grey shorts with sweatbands and high socks. Or I think of women who pretend to exercise by parking themselves on an elliptical for half an hour and reading People magazine. I hate the elliptical....just wanted to rant on that for a second. Although, at the fitness club I belong to the machines all have TV's on them so I usually get to watch an episode of criminal minds. I'm sure they all have me pegged as a future serial killer or something by now. 

BUT here's the start of the exciting stuff. For the first time of this blog's history I get to write about doing something exciting without having to write about a following injury. So as you may remember, for this month's goals I may or may not have included "ride 70 miles first warm day". Yesterday, well it wasn't that nice, but it was warm. I figured that it was now or never and set out with two water bottles and a hammergel. I'm not sure  why I got the number 70 in my head yesterday. It wasn't really that nice out and there was actually a stiff wind. There was also a 50% chance of a pop up thunderstorm all day yesterday. It thunder-stormed about 10 minutes after I got back and didn't rain at all while I was on my ride...yeah. I'm the luckiest person alive.

Here's roughly how it went. I started off biking to a town called Pewaukee, which is about 15 miles from my apartment. Now, Peawukee is gorgeous and has this scenic lake. I figured that since I had some miles to kill, I'd make my way around this lake. How far could it be anyways? After a few wrong turns and a lot of excellent scenery I found out that it was about 20 miles around the whole thing. There was only one point, around mile 27 that I stopped a lady who was on a walk and asked her, as though it was a normal  question, "what city am I in?". She said it happens frequently with cyclists trying to figure out how to get around the lake and pointed me in the correct direction back to Pewaukee. It was soothing to spend my day finding my own way around the lake. There's something about not knowing where you're going and having to figure it out all by yourself. It's kind of a metaphor for life for me. If there's things that are bothering me, or that I'm trying to figure out, well then maybe if I can figure out my way around a lake I can figure out  life. Does that make sense?

After I made it around the lake I biked the 15 miles back, putting me at about 45. I toured the city of Brookfield and Elm Grove and then took some bike trails here and there. I also did my best to avoid all hill after the "walking my bike up a hill incident". Back by the lake I turned a corner and saw the steepest hill I've ever witnessed. I figured I could make it up but forgot to shift into an easier gear. Halfway up my pedals stopped moving. I got off and hiked my stupid little biking butt up the rest of it feeling humiliated every step of the way. And hoping that if there is any justice in this world that no one was watching me out of their windows.

 By the time I got back to my apartment I was at 70.3 miles. 

Ride totals: 

Bathroom stops: 1

Lakes conquered: 1

Cities ridden in: 6

Hours: 4.5

Miles: 70.3

Max Speed: 34.7mph

Times over 30mph: 5

Times asking for directions: 1

Hammer gels eaten: 1

Times I couldn't make it up a hill because I forgot to shift and had to walk my bike up: 1

Surprisingly I wasn't as dead as I thought I would be after this. I thought that after I was done I'd be banished to the couch with muscle cramps and an intense salt craving. Surprisingly though, I just went about the rest of my day as I normally would have, and this morning I wasn't stiff or sore in any way. I'm not celebrating yet, but I'm just saying this is a good sign. 

And speaking of good signs, tomorrow, I might get to run. I don't want to talk about it because I don't want to jinx it. But tomorrow I might get to RUN. 

One more day. Believe it. 

The Very Last Push Through Sadness

"Remind yourself that some of the best days of your life haven't even happened yet."


I should be racing today. I promised myself I'd be running by April 2nd. Today is my team's home meet. Today is gorgeous outside. And I should be racing today. But I'm not.

I'm particularly sad this morning and not really sure why. It really hasn't been bothering me lately and definitely hasn't bothered me for any races. Not sure why today is different. Not sure why today is more sad. Probably due to tiredness my head isn't on quite straight.

But the thing is I have to remember that not matter what happens or no matter how I'm feeling it will all be worth it this coming Tuesday. I have a secret....I'm going running on Tuesday. I should be cleared on Wednesday. I say should, because I thought that I was going to get cleared months ago.

Why is it that as humans it's not so much failure that makes us upset, but instead that idea that we could have succeeded but didn't. I think the difference is that with failure at least you tried, at least you gave it your all. This morning, I'm sad because I don't even have a chance. And because there's a meet all day I can't even go biking either. Something about human nature makes us feel this need to find success. If we don't have the chance to do that, we seem to equate it with failure. As I am doing this morning.

It takes courage for us to keep pushing through. But isn't it comforting to know that the best days are still ahead? As long as we keep pushing through the hard days, there will be far, far, better ones on the other side.

Three months ago I wouldn't have been cranky about not getting a proper bike ride in on the first super nice day, I would have been wishing that I didn't have to show up to a track meet on crutches. Perspective perspective perspective!!!!

Random Fact Fridays!

"Sometimes, I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." -Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


1. I shamelessly swallow the bugs that fly into my mouth when I'm biking.

2. When I'm stressed I bake.

3. I consider myself to be extremely un-photogenic.

4. I think doing homework is relaxing.

5. I feel smarter because I'm in a Psy.D. program next year.

6. I have really excellent biking tan lines.

7. I believe that everything happens for a reason.

8. I get bags under my eyes during allergy season.
     (the last two rhymed. weird)
9. The only time I use curse words is when I'm biking into the wind and I swear at it.

10. Horses are my favorite animals ( followed by snowy owls...)

11. I have asthma.

12. My guilty pleasure is watching Gilmore Girls reruns on abcfamily.com. Don't judge me.

13. If I could be an actress in a movie I would pick Hermione from Harry Potter. ( I wanted to try out when I was 11 but apparently they only had auditions in England)

14. Lance Armstrong is my sports hero.

15. People at my college seem to assume that owning an ipad makes you instantly good with technology. But you know what they say about assuming things...

Happy Weekend Everyone!

The Epilogue of a Running Injury

"You will have everything you are dreaming of and way more. But not now. Not all at once. You have to get there one step at a time."


Five  months ago on this date was a dark day for me. Or maybe a wonderful one. But we'll get to that later. On November 12, I was running a cross country race at NCAA regionals. And my foot hurt. I ran this race anyways you see, because I loved to run, and because my foot hurting wasn't something that was going to stop me from going to nationals. I ran this race because running was all that mattered to me in my life. As long as I had running everything would be OK. I ran this race to prove to everyone and myself that I was tougher and braver and that a couple of little running injuries couldn't stop me.  Most of all, I ran this race because I had to, because running is what I do. Those were the last steps I took for three months, as halfway through the race that I had to run, I fell down and passed out. 


I didn't need a  doctor or an xray or crutches or a medical degree to tell me what I had known for the entire past week. My foot was broken. I suspected that it was broken the week leading up to regionals, but didn't say anything because you know...I had to run that race. After the first mile of the race I didn't suspect. I knew it was broken. I also knew I wasn't going to finish before passing out.

I spent the next 2 weeks of my life on the couch. The next 3 months on crutches. And the next 4 months not running one single step. I cried a lot. And I snapped at people. And I stopped doing homework or going out with my friends or taking showers (YOU try taking showers standing on one foot!).

To their credit, my beloved friends stuck by me throughout all of this. They patiently listened to my whining. They carried me across busy Milwaukee streets. We stopped talking about running and about nationals and about cross country.

Somewhere in the past five months all that sadness  changed. I miss running for sure. But I realized this had to happen in a completely different way than that race had to happen. I needed to find a life beyond running, and stop revolving my life around it. I had to learn to love to swim and love to bike. I also had to learn to love my life beyond the scope of athletics. It was hard at first to see the beauty in the world without being able to run my way through it. Slowly but surely I realized that I wouldn't have come as far if I had run through all of this.

I learned to enjoy going out to eat without having to go on a 10 mile run first. I learned to work out and not have to feel dead to the world for the next 5 hours. Sometimes taking a day off can be wonderful even. The reason I ever started running in the first place was because it took me away from real life for awhile and let me feel free. When running was what made me start to feel trapped my body knew that it was time to stop running. To refocus, to re-figure, and relearn why I loved running in the first place. You see, my foot had  to break. Something had to give eventually. That something just happened to be my heel bone.

For years I preached my love of running, my appreciation of it as a gift. But it took not running for a few months for me to learn that it's more than that. I love life. It's life that's the gift we're given. Running...running is not life. It's just a part of that gift. It's like getting a new car. Life is that car...and running is maybe the free satellite radio that gets thrown in. It's not the whole package, it's just a part.

So I started appreciating my life without running. Because I couldn't properly appreciate it with running. I went out for margaritas with my friends. I drank Irish Cream in my coffee late at night and read books. I stayed up and watched movies. I ate things that were bad for me. I took a spin class, a yoga class. I flew to California by myself. I went to see an nutritionist and learned how to take care of myself. I wrote essays, and got admitted into and committed to a PsyD. program. I figured out what I'm going to do with my life.

Now that I've done all that, I'm ready to start introducing running into my life again. I guess that at times you have to lose something to gain more.

Sorry for all the philosophy and sentimental-ness today. Couldn't be helped. Some people learn lessons quickly. Some people need to be smacked in the head and given some time to figure out why.

All Grown Up and Getting a PsyD.

"I am fairly certain that given a cape and a tiara [and a PsyD.] I could save the world."


Alright all no pomp and circumstance. No glitz or fluff. I'm just going to come out and say it. I have made my decision.
I'm staying in Milwaukee. I will be getting my Psy.D (similar to a PhD. but specifically for clinical psychologists) at a place called Wisconsin School of Professional Psychology.


There are countless reasons for this but let me take you through a few important ones.

1. I made a pro/con list. At the top of the school in California's list was adventure/fun/school reputation. At the top of Wisconsin's list was family/friends. Priorities? yeahhhh If something happened to either of my parents, my grandparents, any of my close friends I don't want to be thousands of miles away.

2. I'd like to stay here and train for triathlons. I realize that my focus should be on graduate school but I'd still like to take my training somewhere after all of this. You know? Oh...and my team of course. I can't go for runs with them if I'm in California now can I?

3. I feel extremely confident that this is where I'm supposed to be. All of the signs are pointing here and I just feel a need to be here. I started my growing up here in Wisconsin, I'm going to finish it here.

4. I care about Milwaukee, and the community here that I've grown oh so attached to. I want to use my PsyD. to save people who have suffered psychological trauma. And the people that I want to focus that saving on happen to exist in Milwaukee. I love Milwaukee, and I love it's people. Someday it's a community that I want to give back to.

5. In Cali I could get one room for $600/month. Same amount of money in Milwaukee would get me a whole apartment.

6. I would miss my dog.

7. Most important of all the school here really  wanted me. They accepted me within 3 days. I want to be somewhere that is going to believe in me.

It was a really difficult week for me. I've never debated a decision more than I've debated my graduate school decision. I cried a couple times, and was cranky a lot, and didn't sleep a wink. But in the end of it I'm pleased with the decision that I made and even moreso that I made it all on my own. I believe that the next 5 years of my life I need to be in Wisconsin even though I feel that I need an adventure too.

My solution is to find a different adventure to go on. Besides, school shouldn't be the adventure. I'm going to need something to take my mind off of the mindless 4 more years of school I have to go through. So the adventure should take me away. Any thoughts?

So far I'm kind of thinking backpacking in the mountains, going on a service trip (habitat for humanity etc...) or my favorite: a HUGE solo cycling trip. Preferably to an ocean. (I'm thinking Virginia?).

This then, is the next step in my life. "Learning to Fly" isn't just for fast running. It's for me jumping out of the nest and learning to make it on my own for the first time ever.

Carpe Diem my friends!

April Showers Shall Bring....

"You only live once. But if you do it right, once is enough."


This month has been one of the best that I've had in quite a long time. Not just physically, but mentally as well. Not just in sports, but in life. But let's just let the goals speak for themselves.

March: 

1. Continue to weight lift/spin/swim  I could use a little more swimming but I'm working on it. Otherwise yes, yes, and yes. 

2. Work on eating correctly. Actually listen to and trust nutritionist.It's hard for me to trust her, but it's been helping a lot. And I've been doing my best to listen to her, and especially not to lie to her! (oops)

3. Bump up weekly "long" ride from 45 to 50 miles. Try 65

4. Continue doing PT stuff religiously. I've fallen down on this a bit this month. Not sure how necessary this is anymore, but I've been doing pretty good. 

5. Decide which grad school I'm going to. Yeah. I think so. 

6. Buy legitimate cycling shoes. Best. Purchase. Ever. I credit these shoes for taking me from 17mph average to 20. 

7. Stop complaining about weight lifting.  Ehhh Ok not really accomplished. 

8. Do a back-to-back spin class at least once.  More like biking celebration day. 

9. Have one week of at least 300 biking miles. Done and conquered. 

10. Go running. Not legit running. But try 8.5 miles at 70% of my body weight at 6:22 pace.  

April

1. Call your grad school. Tell them you're coming. For sure.  

2. First warm day bike 70 miles. 

3. Start eating super, super healthy

4. Go to more yoga classes. 300 miles/week of cycling demands this

5. Speaking of cycling....weather permitting 350 mile week. 

6. I turn 22 on April 2nd. Since I turned 21 I have never purchased for myself an alcoholic beverage. Go to a bar and do this!

7. Cook all of the vegetarian dishes I pinned in pinterest. (this is also code for don't eat any meat, work on becoming a full time vegetarian) 

8. Try to swim at least 1 day per week. 

9. Run Run Run Run! I should be cleared by April 18th!

10. Don't be afraid to go running. 

Happy April everyone! My favorite month of the year.