How Biking Saved My Life

You never have the wind with you -- either it is against you or you're having a good day. ~ Daniel Behrman


Running may have been my life, but it's bicycling that saved it.
 (this is a little heavy towards the end. prepare yourself, and grab a coffee...maybe a beer ...and brace yourself for some introspective honesty)


Riding a bike can be scary. It's scary to weave in and out of traffic. It can be scary in the wind. It can be scary downhill. You see, when the wind is behind you and you're speeding downhill at 40mph the only thing standing in between you and certain death (or broken collar bone) is a helmet. I bet you're wishing that you would have splurged for that $70 helmet instead of the $30 one now huh?


It seems strange that biking is the thing that would save lives. Traditionally it puts them in danger more often than not. But still, the title of this post remains, as does my statement that bicycling saved my life. All that I have, and all that I will become I owe to a 2011 Trek Lexa. 


I wasn't in a good place when I started cycling this winter. Let's be honest, I started biking way back in February out of depression. I was desperate to get outside and exercise again. I didn't really do it because I enjoyed biking, but because I missed running. I had hoped originally that biking would be the next best thing. 


What I ended up finding, was a sense of freedom in those next few miles, and more importantly, a sense of peace. Peace with the world, but also within myself. I was wrong, biking didn't make up for not running. But now I know that that's a good thing.It's everything that running was not. I'm happier right now than I have been in a long time. Happier, may not even be the right term. It's more of a peacefulness. There are still those bad days that everyone has. I still cry. Heck, I still cry over running. I'm by no means happy all the time only because of bicycling. But because of it I'm more at peace with myself and I know that even when I'm not happy the time will come when I will be again. I always thought that I could solve life's problems over a 10 mile run. The truth is that 10 mile runs have nothing on 5 hour bike rides. I don't feel lonely biking by myself for 5 hours like you would think. It gives me time to sort through my problems and gets me away from civilization in a way that running never did. 


I now notice how beautiful life is and how beautiful the scenery is. How great it is to  be outside for hours at a time. It gives me a sense of connectedness with nature and brings me closer to God himself. 


But all of that, is not actually the point to all of this. Those are ways biking improved my life, but not how it saved it. 


I still love running.
Running, for everything that it meant to me, for as much I loved it, was also a destructive love at times. As much as I loved running, it made me hate myself far more often than it made me happy with myself. I was never good enough, never fast enough, never strong enough. Never ever enough anything. Most of all, because I was never enough I believed I needed to change myself. I was willing to do whatever it took to make me good enough. To be perfect. My perfectionism and compulsive tenancies "ran away" with my running obsession and together the two strove to destroy me from the inside out. 


What I felt I needed to be "perfect" for running was far beyond normal desire to be "fit" for your sport. It went beyond caring about being healthy or wanted to be more fit in order to perform better. As with everything I do, I did it well. I ran myself ragged until I literally fell apart. I pushed myself to the breaking point, and eventually I did break. And you know what? After all of that, after everything I went through, I still looked in the mirror and didn't like what I saw. In the end it wasn't even worth it. In the end, it didn't even have anything to do with running. 



Riding to find the light....
 The thing about biking for 5 hours at a time (Or 6) (Or 7 )is that you can't do it unless you take proper care of yourself. Look at it this way: If you don't drink you're going to get a cramp. If you don't have enough electrolytes you're going to get a cramp. If you don't have enough potassium you're going to get a cramp. It's not like you can exercise for 6 hours at a time on guts and fumes alone. You have to eat. You have to take care of yourself. I've had rides where I forget to bring food and by the end my 19mph average is reduced to 16 because my legs refuse to go without the proper nutrition. If you're going to make it, you're going to have to have a GU at least every couple of hours and a sports drink to replace what you're losing. It's one thing to have your body shut down on a run when, at most, you're 6 or 7 miles away from your house. Worst case scenario you have a long, humiliating walk. It's quite another thing to have your legs quit on you 35 miles away in the middle of nowhere. Let's be serious, it's a little different asking someone to come and rescue you when you're 5 miles away compared to when you're 35 miles away. The latter would probably require you to even pay them for gas. That, and then your ride is cut short. Biking has helped me to eat clean and be focused on what food can do for my body, what's good fuel and what's garbage. The focus isn't on appearance anymore but what's good for you.


Riding taught me to love my body for what it can do, and not what it looks like. How many other people can go out and ride at 18mph average for 5 hours because they want to. It's not exactly what everyone would do with 5 free hours on a Saturday afternoon. But I can. I'm not ashamed of the big quadriceps that I used to despise. Not even when I was running 50 miles a week did my legs look this strong. But mostly I love them because they've given me a much, much better gift than looking good. I know that once I hit mile 50 and I don't want to go back yet they'll thank me for taking care of them by carrying me another 10, 20, 50. And in return for those long rides which make me so happy, I continue to reward my legs with bananas and peanut butter and electrolytes. 


Biking for me is not about exercise. It's about finding peace and being thankful and doing some serious soul searching. I like to think of each ride as one giant thank-you letter for my life and for my ability. I don't ride 75+ miles to exercise or because I have to or because I'm in strict training or because someone's making me or because I feel like the athletic world expects it of me. I do it because I can.


So you see, sometimes in the search for yourself you have to ride pretty far. It's best to make sure you bring a snack, and never, ever forget to love life, and your quads, along the way.