My Own Two Feet

I'm learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin? -Foo Fighters, Walk


The first adventure of learning how to walk again


Yesterday, later in the afternoon, I went down to see my school trainer who had talked with my doctor after I left...and I actually got a bit of good news. First off GIANT UGLY BOOT is gone!!!! I don't have to wear it anymore. I mean, I am still on crutches but at least I don't have to lug around that stupid thing. 


Also "partial weight bearing" actually turned out to be cooler than I thought. I get to actually walk. Well...not actually but I do get to put 50% of my weight on my foot. So, I can do this crippled little shuffle thing. It looks pathetic but really, I don't care. It's awesome. 


AND the last piece of good news: I get to aquajog and even swim if there is no pain. So I was doing this little happy dance and my school trainer yells "Merry Christmas" as I hobble down the hallway. 


So then I had to try walking again...I stood on my right foot and my left hovered over the ground and I just stared at it. I couldn't do it, I just couldn't put it down. I touched it to the ground, and then again as  if I was dipping it into a pool of steaming hot water. Finally I managed to get it on the ground, completely flat. phew. Next step: walking


This was even scarier. Like I said, I'm only allowed to put, at most, 50% weight on it, the rest still has to be on my crutches. I carefully carefully set it down and then quickly moved to the second foot. It was really sad to be honest. But at the same time, it IS still walking. I did that around the training room for almost 20 minutes as my PT watched me and reassured me that a little bit of pain was normal and that my foot was not going to shatter after putting weight on it. 


The next day I went back and we did the same thing all over again. It was comical and sad and exhilarating all at the same time. I ended up doing 3 slow, slow, laps around my school's recreational complex. It's strange to have to concentrate on actually putting my foot down each step. I took it so for granted when I could run that my feet just knew what to do, and where to go, and how to act. But yet they always did. I was never afraid of anything when I was running in downtown Milwaukee and darting across streets and running 10 miles at a time like it was nothing. Now, I'm terrified to put my foot on the ground. 


Walking again is really scary because I am still convinced that my foot could still break. It still hurts, and walking DOES hurt it. I know that that's normal given how swollen and hurt my whole foot still is, but it hardly seems normal that it still hurts so much. 


At the same time walking, is walking, crutches or no and so I will take it and not complain. I just need to get healthy and running will take care of itself in it's own time.