The Second Wave

"In life each of us faces great challenges, and in return is given even greater blessings"


I only have 2 more days of being on crutches. Potentially. I mean, I admit there is always the possibility of him not letting me walk quite yet. Five weeks ago I thought he would take away the crutches too and here we are. I'm not expecting to get to run anytime soon, but it would be nice to be given permission to walk. And really, if we're realistic, I'm walking anways. So, I'm assuming that they're going to let me walk. But you never know do you?

Track season is beginning and it's becoming increasingly hard for me to not get depressed about all of this. I knew this would happen weeks ago, but I never knew it would be this frustrating. What I mean is this: I experienced the first "wave" of sadness right away when it seemed like the whole world ended just because running did. I got over that. And I'm O.K. with not running again until I'm good and healed. I understand that this is all for the best. Plus I love swimming, I love biking.

I knew I would be sad when track rolled around but I didn't know how sad. So now is the beginning of the "second wave" of sadness. So many of my friends, are getting ready for the season and getting excited about upcoming races. Races, that I'm going to have to watch. I think that if it were just me, things would be different, coping would be different because I wouldn't have to stare running in the face every day. I could just, as I have been doing, pretend that it doesn't exist. But since I'll be at meets and at practice it's hard to pretend that it's not there.

I just need to remember that this isn't all that there is. There will be more running in the future, whether I can run now or not. I have to keep my eyes forward to the future and not fixated on the present.
Most importantly, I need to remember that right now I need to be putting all of my energy into getting healthy again, and becoming a better, stronger person. 

I think, partially, what I'm worried about is not being able to run again for a long time. That's what's been keeping me up at night lately. Half of me is excited about the prospect of the doctor allowing me to walk again, the other half keeps whispering in my ears "what if he never lets you run"

So, once again, fingers crossed, I'm off to the doctor in two days. Maybe I'll come walking out of his office.